Desolate Pasts and Hopeful Futures
by MissMonnicaElectronica
Summary: Bella moves to Forks to start fresh. There she meets Edward, a boy whom is the school loser and bullied on a daily basis. Bella sets out to save him from a life of living hell, but in the mean time Edward attempts to save her, too. Lemons, AU, AH, OOCish.
1. Chapter 1: I Can't Fight This Feeling

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, but the plot to this story is all mine. **

**Summary: Bella moves to Forks to start fresh. There she meets Edward, a boy whom is the school loser and bullied on a daily basis. Bella sets out to save him from a life of living hell, but in the mean time Edward attempts to save her, too. BXE, AU, AH, OOCish. **

**Okay, well, read away and let me know if you think it should be continued!**

My eyes roamed the cafeteria anxiously as I gripped the grey plastic food tray with shaking hands, the sweat forming on my palm making it dangerously possible for the item to slip from my grasp and cause my lunch to go tumbling to the ground. I recognized one of the girls who had spoken to me in English (Jessica, I think she said her name was) sitting at a table not too far away; I could approach her, however she seemed to be the gossipy, talkative type and I did not have the energy to properly engage myself in conversation today. A couple tables down from her sat another girl I had been partnered up with in Spanish named Angela Weber. Her nose was deep within a thick book and I decided at once that she would be safe. I had just begun to walk toward her when she suddenly stood and walked from the building, never glancing up from the pages of the novel. With a sigh, I sat down at the only empty table in the room and concluded that I would be spending my first lunch period at Forks High School pushing my pasta salad around the paper plate.

The clattering sound of another tray hitting the wood of the table across from me jerked my gaze upwards. Two crystal blue eyes observed my untouched lunch and warmed before meeting my gaze. The girl to whom they belonged spoke.

"How peculiar. They served rainbow pasta salad for lunch on my first day, too." Her pink lips curved up into a smile, showing off a set of flawless pearly white teeth. I allotted myself several seconds to take in the rest of her appearance.

She couldn't have been more than five feet tall and over a hundred pounds. All of her features matched her height and weight perfectly. A tiny nose, tiny mouth, tiny hands and fingers…even short, spiky black hair. The only exception was her eyes; big and wide, framed with thick, long dark lashes. Her nails were painted dark blue and matched her lacy blue top and blue sequined black belt that hugged her waist. I couldn't see what she wore for bottoms or shoes since she was seated, but I was sure they were just as stylish as the rest of her outfit.

"I'm Alice, by the way. Alice Cullen," she said cheerfully.

"Bella Swan," I offered, unable to stop a grin of my own. This was the first time I had smiled in months.

"Cool name. Where are you from?"

"Um…Phoenix," I responded quietly. I didn't want to think of that place right now. I concentrated on keeping my thoughts in the present moment. _Don't think of it, don't think of it, don't think of it…_

Alice seemed to sense that this was an unwelcome topic and casually changed the direction of conversation.

"Never been there. I'm from Chicago."

"Really?" I asked, my interest piqued. I had been there once in my life and never wanted to leave. Personally, I preferred places that had a little moisture in the air. The city itself had been beautiful, too, and I had often fantasized about moving there after I graduated. "I love it there," I continued. "When did you move?"

"Just last year in…November, I think? Anyway, I know how it feels to walk into the cafeteria and have no one to sit with."

"Is that why you sat with me?" Out of pity? Did I really look that pathetic?

"Yes and no. You look interesting. I wanted to talk to you and I had this feeling…" she trailed off, lost in thought for a few seconds. "Well, like I said, I wanted to talk to you and maybe become friends," she said matter-of-factly, backtracking.

"Well, thank you," I said genuinely. How I could appear to be interesting was beyond me, but it was nice to hear, just the same.

"So, no siblings at home?" Alice asked curiously.

I shook my head. "No, just me. How about you?"

"Two brothers, Emmett and Edward. No sisters," she sighed sadly.

"Are they younger than you?"

She smiled wryly and shook her head. "No, actually. We're all seniors. Triplets."

"That's so cool," I blurted. She laughed and shrugged.

"I guess so. My mom sometimes has a difficult time trying to feed three eighteen year olds eating her out of house and home." I believe that.

Something dawned on me then. "Where are they? Where are your friends?"

"I mostly hang out with my boyfriend, Jasper, and his sister Rosalie who happens to be Emmett's girlfriend. But all three are on some kind of science field trip."

"And Edward?" I asked, noticing that she seemed careful to keep him out of her explanation.

Just as I finished speaking, someone yelled, "Hey Dickward, I'm talking to you!"

"Oh no," Alice whispered, eyes frightfully wide as she stared across the cafeteria. A big guy with dark blond hair grabbed the back of another kid's leather jacket and slammed him against the wall forcefully. The boy's mass of bronze hair cast a shadow over his face, masking him, but I could still hear his groan of pain, even sitting all the way across the room. The blond asshole proceeded to grab the poor kid's soup and pour the scalding hot liquid over his head. He laughed when the boy jumped and cringed. Then he took his can of soda and threw it in his face.

I couldn't watch anymore. I just couldn't. This was far too familiar to me and I _would not_ become one of those people who just sat back and enjoyed the show. Anger poured through every vein in my body and I stood up from the table and marched toward the scene determinedly.

"Bella, no!" Alice gasped, leaping up and well. She grabbed onto me and I tried to shake her off. Damn, she was strong for such a little thing. "Bella, listen to me!" she hissed in a whisper. "You'll only make it worse! He'll get hurt even more if everyone sees a girl defending him!"

I glared at her. "A _girl_?"

"I don't like it anymore than you do!" she said with a frown. "But that's what the guys see it as." I hesitated. "Please, Bella, don't." Before I could make my decision, the boy was walking swiftly from the cafeteria and the blond guy was being spoken to by a teacher. I sat back down, still shaking slightly with anger, and closed my eyes to calm down. After a few minutes, I opened them again and found Alice looking at me with sad, watery eyes. Neither of us spoke for a while.

"Does this happen often?" I finally whispered.

Alice hesitated before meeting my eyes. "Edward's had a bit of a more difficult time fitting in than I have," she whispered with a small sniffle.

My eyes widened and asked an unspoken question. Alice seemed to understand as she nodded and said softly, "Yes, that's my brother."

The warning bell rang and we both stood, neither of us speaking a word to the other as we walked from the cafeteria.

*

*

Biology AP was my first class after lunch. The teacher, Mr. Banner, assigned me to sit at the empty table at the back of the room. I sat in a daze the entire time, my mind stuck on thoughts of Edward. I tried to concentrate on the work that was due next class, but eventually I just gave up, deciding I would do it after school.

My blood boiled when I thought of that guy with the blond hair in the ponytail. I had to repeatedly talk myself out of finding him and giving him a piece of my mind. I knew it wouldn't do anything but piss him off further and make me a future target, but at the same time it would feel _so fucking good_. I must have come up with literally hundreds of ways to get back at him without his knowledge that it was me that period.

Thankfully the bell rang before I could change my mind about keeping quiet. The last class of the day was gym. It would be a good distraction, I hoped.

Walking into the change room, I discovered that Alice and I shared this class. She smiled at me when I came in and asked, "Partners?" I nodded and her smile grew. Since I didn't have my badminton racket yet, Coach Clapp leant me one that belonged to the school. It was a piece of shit, quite honestly, but I'd make do. Alice and I rallied back and forth for warm-up.

After a couple minutes, she asked, "How was Edward in Bio?"

I frowned as I ran to the side to hit the birdie. "I didn't see him. Are you sure he's in the same class?"

"Two-oh-two, right?"

I nodded, running backward and hitting the birdie to Alice's front left.

"Then yes, I'm positive," she said as she did a drop pass. I ran forward and managed to fire the birdie to the back of the court.

"He wasn't there. I'm sure."

A few more minutes went by in silence. Finally, I had to ask the question that had been burning in my mind.

"Alice, why don't you _help_ him?" I demanded, almost furiously. The tone of my voice surprised me. Alice didn't seem shocked, however.

"It's complicated," she muttered. I let the birdie drop beside me and crossed my arms.

"Complicated? It seems pretty black and white to me."

"Well, it's not."

"How so?"

She lowered her voice and walked forward to meet me. We stood just a foot apart with the net in between us. "Come over to my house after school and we'll talk, alright?" she asked. I stared at her for several seconds.

"Alright," I finally said.

"Cullen! New kid!" Coach Clapp yelled.

"It's Swan!" I yelled back.

"Whatever! Move your lazy asses and get going!"

With a sigh, I picked up the birdie and served it back over the net.

*

* 

"Want something to drink?" Alice asked, looking through the fridge. "We have soda, juice, water, milk, V8, cocon—"

"Water is fine," I said, looking around the room. The kitchen was just as big as the rest of the house. All the rich kids I had known were snooty, spoiled and mean. Alice seemed to almost be embarrassed by the amount of money she had. Sorry, I mean the amount of money her _parents_ had. She was quick to correct me on that the moment I made the observation.

"Would you like a snack, too?" she asked as she set down the water glass beside me. "We have, well, just about everything. Esme likes to keep the pantry well stocked."

"No thanks."

"Suit yourself," she mumbled, pulling out a box of Twinkies. I watched as she took a big bite out of the soft, luscious, thousand-calorie cake. With a sigh, I shook my head and worked on concentrating on something else other than food.

"So spill," I blurted the moment she sat down.

"You don't waste a second, do you?"

I only shrugged. She sighed and picked at her nail polish worriedly as she organized her thoughts. I waited patiently.

"Okay, well we moved here almost exactly one year ago, as I told you at lunch. I made friends with Rosalie pretty quickly, which was odd considering it takes her forever to warm up to new people. For the first week or so all five of us hung out together. Rosalie and Jasper were really our only friends."

"Didn't they have friends before you?"

"Well, they hung out with different people every day. They didn't have certain people they always were with. Anyway, we were all really happy and everything. Then Rosalie's parents left town about two weeks later and she threw a party and invited us all. It was crazy—I mean, it was the sort of party that you saw in movies. Music blared, people were pouring from the windows, a good portion of kids were already completely wasted and every bedroom was…er, occupied.

"Emmett and I got pretty trashed pretty quickly as well. Edward didn't drink a thing, though. He was a lot more responsible. He went outside at some point in the night to get some fresh air; like I said, the house was packed. He walked out into the trees and heard a girl crying."

Alice's voice became very quiet. Her eyes filled with tears and she paused for several seconds before continuing. "He found two men sexually abusing a woman. He called the police right away. The men heard him talking on his cell and beat him up pretty badly. Thank god the police got there quickly."

A tear dropped from her eye. I was shaking in my seat, as rigid as a board. This story hit much to close to home for my liking. My hands gripped the table tightly and my nails screamed in pain. I closed my eyes and tried to get myself under control. Alice had paused again for which I was thankful. Slowly, I felt my pulse slow and my grip relaxed. I took a deep breath and focused on Alice's bright blue eyes.

"That guy you saw in the cafeteria, James? That's the son of one of the men. The two guys were arrested, and James has been making Edward's life an absolute living hell ever since. I want to do something, but the boy has connections. Your dad researched the family and found out that the father has a horrible history. He murdered, Bella, _murdered_. I can't risk anyone else. Edward even agrees."

"Why don't you move?" I demanded sharply. Alice seemed surprised by my tone.

"Both my parents have a five year contract here, and besides, Edward refuses to go to a boarding school by himself or be home-schooled."

"Why?" I asked incredulously.

She shrugged sadly. "I really don't know. My parents, Emmett and I have asked him several times, but all he ever says is, 'I have my reasons'," she said, making air quotes. I shook my head and focused on a dent in the wood of the table. I was feeling so many emotions at once. Fear, sadness, wistfulness…but anger dominated them all.

The door to the kitchen flew open suddenly and _he_ walked in. He went straight to the pantry and bent down, ruffling through the contents. His back muscles flexed and I found myself looking over his body. His muscles were well defined and he had a medium build. My gaze travelled to his ass, covered by his dark jeans.

"Did we run out of Twinkies, Alice?" he asked in a silky smooth voice that made my heart stutter. What the hell was wrong with me?

"They're right here," she said quietly. He spun around and I gasped. I had never seen a more beautiful face in my life; strong jaw, straight nose, full pink lips, creamy pale skin, perfect eyebrows, beautiful copper colored hair and his _eyes. _Piercing green eyes that turned my insides to jelly.

He looked over to me in surprise and I knew he hadn't realized I was there. When his eyes met mine, my heart beat sped to the speed of a hummingbird. My lips parted and my feet suddenly felt like they weighed a hundred pounds. My body began to shake again, but this time it was a good feeling. His gaze seemed to become more and more intense the longer our eyes held. A gentle tug appeared somewhere in my stomach and tried to pull me toward him. It was difficult not to stand up. It became more and more persistent and I actually had to grab either side of the stool to keep from moving. He must have felt it, too, because slowly, hesitantly, his feet walked toward me. It felt as though electricity had begun to serge through my veins. My skin burned, but it was not unpleasant. In fact, it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. The closer he got to me, the more powerful the electricity became. Finally, he took one last step and was standing just inches away. I vaguely heard Alice's voice but my mind was in too much of a mush to register what she was saying. Suddenly the intensity in Edward's eyes turned into fire. My own eyes widened, and without warning, his lips were suddenly on mine.

Just like that, my mind cleared and my eyes opened wider than they had ever been before. Alice's screech registered immediately, and though his lips felt like cold, crystal clear water on a hot summer day, the intensity and raw…whatever it was scared me to death. I pushed against his chest, trying to get him to break the kiss, but his only response was to wrap his arms around me tightly. Alice tugged on his arm but he didn't move an inch. She looked at him in astonishment for a second before reaching around us and grabbing my water glass, dumping it over our heads.

He pulled away and I sighed in relief, breathing heavily and dripping.

"Edward, what the hell?" Alice screeched. I continued to stare at him with wide eyes as I panted for air. He met my eyes, seeming shocked by his own actions, and his cheeks became tinged with red.

"I, um, just—pools of chocolate—couldn't think," he stuttered, not making any sense at all. Finally he just looked at me and said, "Sorry," before walking swiftly from the room. Both Alice and I stared after him. Finally she spoke.

"God, Bella, I don't even know what to say! You both just looked so weird, and then he kissed you…I promise that he's never done anything like that before! God, I am just so, so sorry!"

"Alice," I said calmly, still breathing a little quicker than normal. "It's fine."

But really, it wasn't. My reaction to him had scared the life out of me. I had never felt that insistent tug and connection to another person before, and certainly not just by looking at them. Obviously, Edward had felt it, too.

What the hell was it?

**Yes? No? Review and let me know what you think please!**

**Monnica**


	2. Chapter 2: Something Beautiful

**So, here is chapter two! Took forever to finish, especially considering this is such a new story and I should be posting new chapters like there is no tomorrow. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight is owned by SM. Without her, this story wouldn't exist. **

_Edward reached out and pulled my face to his. Our lips touched and the sparks ignited into a full fledged fire. I wrapped one arm around his back and the other went to his shoulder. His tongue ran across my bottom lip and I gasped in both surprise and pleasure. Tentatively, he slipped into my mouth. I pushed my tongue against his and the kiss grew more and more passionate. After a while, his mouth dropped to my neck and he began sucking, licking and biting over and over. _

"_Edward," I moaned. _

_Suddenly, he pulled my hips against his harshly and held my body so tightly that I could barely breathe. His fingers began to work on the button and zipper of my jeans. I tried to break free from the haze that clouded my mind. _

"_Edward?" I asked uncertainly, unsure that I liked what he was doing. I opened my eyes and gasped. I was no longer with Edward. I was with _**him. **

I screamed and sat up in bed, pulling myself forcefully from the dream. I gasped for air like I was a fish on land and tears ran down the side of my face. I gripped the blankets in my hands for dear life.

"Bella?" Charlie's sleepy voice asked outside my door. "You alright?"

I cleared my dry throat several times and tried to find my voice. "I'm fine," I whispered gravelly.

"What's that?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said again, a little louder. I hoped he couldn't hear the tears in my voice. "Nightmare."

"Oh. Well, goodnight," he murmured. I listened to his footsteps creak down the hall and his bedroom door click shut softly. Then I buried my face into my pillow until it was hard to breathe and let my body be overcome with silent sobs.

When my alarm went off, my eyes were still open wide. I hadn't gotten more than an hour of sleep, at best. I bumped into the wall on my way to the bathroom and tripped over the edge of the door. Clumsiness and fatigue don't exactly mix well.

I yelped when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy and my thick black eyeliner was streaked down my cheeks as a result from the tears. The red lipstick was smeared on my chin and my hair stuck up in every which way.

I showered off all the goop and tried not to look too closely at my face in the mirror as I reapplied the thick liner and red lipstick in a neater fashion. I let my long hair air dry and hang down so that it could cover my face. If my mother could see me now, she'd immediately know that today was one of those days that were exceptionally difficult for me and call me in sick.

But I didn't want to wallow anymore, if I could help it. I wanted to go to school when I felt the worst. Here, in this small town, it would be a distraction. It wouldn't make things harder.

I wasn't in any shape to drive myself to class, so I pulled out my cell phone and called Alice. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hi, Bella," she said cheerily. "How are you today?"

"Okay," I lied. "I didn't get much sleep last night, though, so I wonder if you could pick me up for school this morning?" I asked uncertainly. After all, I hadn't even known Alice for twenty-four hours yet.

"Of course! Be there in ten."

A horn honked in the front yard just a little while later. I threw away the untouched piece of toast, pulled on my black boots, and ran out the door. As I approached the passenger side of the SUV, I could make out not only Alice's petite stature through the darkened windows, but also two others, one which was tall and slim, and the other which could only be described as huge.

I wanted to smack myself. Stupid, stupid me had thought that Alice would be alone when she came to get me. My exhausted mind hadn't remembered that she drove with her siblings. I pulled open the door, carefully keeping my eyes from the boy behind shotgun, and Alice immediately began talking.

"Morning, Be—" she stopped, eyes going wide. "You weren't kidding when you said you didn't sleep much. I think I have something in my purse for those bags under your eyes." I jumped onto the seat and closed the door. "Of course, they won't make them disappear, but they'll make them a lot less noticeable. Good think you wear so much makeup. It covers up most of the problem. You need to wear your hair up, though, and show off your pretty face. I think I have an elastic in the—"

"No," I blurted abruptly.

She paused and stared at me carefully. "No?" she asked slowly.

"I mean, no thank you to the hair. I'd prefer to wear it down today."

"Well, if that's what you want. I personally think it would look absolutely gorgeous it we put it up in a twisty bun kind of thing and then—"

Someone cleared their throat. I had already forgotten about the two other people in this car. I turned and my eyes widened as I took in the guy who must have been Emmett. His hair was dark like Alice's, but was filled with curls. He must have been around six foot four and was made of pure muscle. I would have been frightened if it weren't for the playful smile on his face.

"Hello there, pretty lady. Please excuse my little sister's rude behavior. I'm Emmett." Alice rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him, muttering something about there being 'more important topics than himself' and 'only youngest by two minutes and thirteen seconds'.

"Bella, Emmett. Emmett, Bella," she said monotonously.

He reached one huge, meaty hand out to shake mine, but I flinched back. I had known someone else with hands like those, and I never wanted to touch him again. So as not to appear entirely rude, I smiled at him so big my cheeks hurt and said cheerily, "It's wonderful to meet you!"

He raised one eyebrow, still amused, and let out a laugh. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing he wasn't unhappy about my reaction. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes, thinking I could get at least a few minutes of rest. No such luck.

"So, Bella," Emmett began casually. "Has Alice tired you out yet? I can barely handle her for a day." I giggled and assured him that I was doing just fine while Alice turned around quickly and slapped him across the head. "And I hope you and Edward are getting along well too, then."

Alice and I both stiffened, and I wouldn't have been surprised if Edward had, too. I wouldn't have known, though, since I had yet to look at him this morning. Strangely enough, just knowing he was in the same small confined space as me made my body more alert. I was too frightened to look at him.

No one spoke, and Emmett didn't press the issue, so I assumed that he felt the tension clouding the small confines of the vehicle. When the car stopped, I jumped right out, eager to bring some space between the mysterious, beautiful boy and myself. My feet hit the hard cement ground, and as I mentioned before, fatigue and clumsiness do not mix well together at all. I swayed, trying to gain equilibrium, but failing quickly. The sidewalk rushed toward my face. I squeezed my eyes shut and shot my arms forward to break my fall.

Except it never came.

Two, strong hands gripped waist before I could make contact with the ground. My body immediately recognized who it was by the electric shock that surged through my veins. I hesitantly looked into his eyes and felt my heart flutter wildly. It was beyond me how just looking at someone could evoke that kind of reaction. Emmett came around to the other side of the car and I pulled away from Edward quickly, stiffening.

"Sorry," he murmured, just like last night. His voice made my heart beat even faster. My body's reaction scared me shitless and I couldn't find my voice. Edward walked past me swiftly, brushing my shoulder in the process. I shivered.

Alice grabbed my arm and began pulling me along side her. I turned back to see  
Emmett standing in the exact same spot, staring after me with an almost…angry expression on his face. It confused me, but I was too tired to ponder it. I felt as if I was falling apart slowly by the seams. Coming to Forks had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I wondered if it was the best choice. How could I have known that I would meet someone who could evoke feelings in my body that I thought I would never feel again in my life? It was far better than staying in Phoenix, I had to admit.

I got to English early and was still without a partner at my table. I wondered if anyone normally sat here, or if they had just been absent for the past two days. The bell rang ten minutes later and at the same time, Emmett sat in the chair beside me. He stared straight forward, not bothering with a hello or even a glance of acknowledgement. I began to wonder what exactly crawled up his ass.

Mr. Banner passed out Wuthering Heights and instructed us to read for the entire class. The classroom filled with a chorus of groans, but I loved this book, so this felt like a free period.

Five minutes later, Emmett slid a piece of paper over to me. My eyes widened in surprise as I read what he wrote.

_**What the fuck is your problem?**_

Had he noticed something strange about me? Did he somehow discover my secret? I started panicking, but found the courage to write back.

_**What is that supposed to mean?**_

He scowled and rolled his eyes.

_**Do you have a problem with my brother's social standing? Is that why you were so bitchy to him this morning? Fuck, you didn't have to pull away from him when we got to school like he was a fucking leper. **_

I breathed a sigh of relief. He knew nothing. But his assumption bothered me greatly. I didn't like being viewed as one of _those_ people who made it their life's goal to climb the social ladder.

_**Alice didn't tell you about yesterday?**_

He gave me a look that clearly said, _obviously._ I looked down at the paper and continued to scrawl.

_**Meet me by the girl's bathroom in five.**_

I shot my hand up. "Mr. White?"

He glanced up from his own worn copy of the book. "Yes?"

"May I please go to the bathroom?"

He nodded once, looking back at his book. I leapt up from my seat and walked down the hall. Emmett followed my instructions and met me there five minutes later.

"So, talk," he said immediately. I was slightly taken aback by the harshness of his voice. I supposed if I had been in his place, I would have made the same assumption.

"Er, well, I met Edward last night when I went over to your house for a while after school, and he kind of…um…" Jesus, why was it so difficult to admit this? It was just a kiss. Nothing more. Nothing that would make me feel horrible and disgusting and dirty. Just a kiss. Just an innocent, simple kiss.

An innocent, simple kiss that set my body on a passionate fire and made me shake with fear at the same time.

"Well, spit it out," Emmett snapped. His attitude kind of pissed me off. I understood that he was protective of his brother, but couldn't he turn it down a notch? He was a tower of muscle for crying out loud. All he had to do was drop the smile and he'd scare the entire school shitless.

"He…er…kissed me?" I said, raising my voice at the end so it sounded as if I was asking him a question. He stared at me, dumbfounded. Then he started laughing so loud I jumped.

"He did, did he? Good for him!" he laughed a little longer while I looked down the hall anxiously, sure a teacher would hear his booming voice and poke their head out of the classroom to find the owner of it. He gained some control, but the huge, shit eating grin remained plastered on his face.

"I take it you're not interested and things are a bit awkward?"

"Uh, well, I guess. I mean, I haven't actually talked to him since it happened."

He raised an eyebrow and his eyes took on a glint. "Does that mean you are, in fact, interested?"

I looked at the ground and let my hair provide a curtain of protection in front of my face. "I have some…relationship…issues." I peeked at him through the corner of my eye. His expression remained unchanged.

"Well, then, there's nothing wrong with being fuck buddies, is there?" he said as if it were the most simple thing in the world. I blushed and felt my heart rate quicken, this time with anxiety.

"Let me rephrase that. I have problems with sex."

He burst out laughing again. I punched his arm, but I'm sure it hurt me a lot more than it hurt him.

"Will you shut up!?" I hissed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, a few laughs still escaping. I rolled my eyes and walked back to class. He continued down the hall toward the boy's washroom, a couple guffaws still escaping. Oh boy. I was starting to see some resemblance between him and his sister. It seemed their happy, exuberant moods could not be destroyed easily or for a long time.

When the bell rang for lunch, Alice was by my locker in an instant. She grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the cafeteria quickly.

"In a rush?" I asked, highly amused. Damn, she truly was strong. More shared genes between her and Emmett?

"You just have to meet Jasper and Rosalie! They're so excited to meet you."

I paled slightly but jogged beside her to keep up. I really liked Alice, but if her friends didn't like me, I didn't know if we'd be able to hang out much.

She pulled me to the same table as the day before. My eyes widened. The girl was tall and thin with golden hair that flowed down her back. Her blue eyes were piercing as they stared at me critically. Her brother had hair just as beautiful as hers, and he was still very attractive, but I had trouble putting him in the same league as…well, Edward. His eyes also matched his sister's, but they were much kinder. Emmett stood up and pulled out my chair for me. I blushed and took my seat while Rosalie stared daggers at me. Emmett sat back down beside her, and she wrapped her arm tightly around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

I couldn't help it. I rolled my eyes and gave her a look that said, _message received, loud and clear_. She blinked a couple times in surprise before returning to her bitchy attitude and I smirked. Yeah, that's right Rosalie. I'm smarter than you think.

"Hey guys!" Alice chirped. "This is Bella. Bella, this is Jasper and Rosalie."

Jasper stuck out his hand and grasped my own. He grinned and winked. "Nice to meet you." I returned the sentiment with a smile.

"So, how was the trip?" Alice asked them enthusiastically. Jasper cracked a smile and Rosalie's face morphed into one of disgust.

"Terrible. Ms. Murphy paired me up with Newton when we dissected the cow brain and that little shit thought it would be funny to throw it at me." Alice's face screwed up into disgust. I laughed. Rosalie shot me another icy look and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "How that loser is passing AP is beyond me."

"Hey, do you guys want to go see that new movie after school?" Jasper asked. He looked at me. "Bella, you should come too."

"Can't." It was, of course, Rosalie who spoke. I had a feeling that it was because of e she didn't want to come. "I've gotta do some motor work on my car."

My ears perked up instantly and I was actually interested in carrying a conversation with Rosalie. "What model?"

She raised her eyebrows, smirked, and leaned back in her chain, crossing her arms acrss her chest. "A Murciélago LP 640." My eyes widened to the size of baseballs and I gasped. "It's a—"

"Lamborghini, I know," I stuttered. I was suddenly hoping Rosalie and I would become friends. The other three people at the table groaned.

"You've got to be kidding me. Another car fanatic?" Alice whined. I grinned, but Rosalie was not convinced.

"What's the body made of?"

"Carbon fibre and steel," I said without hesitation. She could quiz me all day if she wanted. Nothing would stump me.

"What can you tell me about the suspensions?"

"Wishbone, anti-roll bars."

"What kind of anti-roll bars?"

"Anti-dive and anti-squat."

"Maximum power?"

"471 kW at 8000 rpm," I stated smugly. She leaned forward, resting her head in her hands and staring at me curiously.

"Huh," she muttered. Several more seconds passed. And then she cracked a smile. I hid one of my own. I had won her over.

"We couldn't have gotten away with just two car experts," Emmett said sadly. Alice sighed along with him.

"Three?" I asked curiously.

"Edward," Jasper explained, as if I needed another reason to like him. Was there anything about him I wouldn't like? For the rest of lunch, I sat quietly. I listened to conversation and answered questions that were asked of me, but I mostly stayed in my own thoughts. I never felt completely at ease when I was around men, with the exception of my dad, but I was curious about Edward. I actually wanted to get to know him.

I was attracted to him and I could not fathom why. I hadn't been attracted to anyone since _it_ happened. And strangely enough, he seemed to be attracted to me.

_Why?_

I didn't understand what he had seen in me moments before he kissed me, but obviously there had been something. Had he accidentally missed my dark, damaged soul? Had the thick make-up provided a mask like I had intended?

This puzzled me. There was nothing for him to be attracted to. There was nothing under all this make-up and this normal façade but me. I hoped that the more time I spent with him, the more his attraction would fade. It had to, didn't it? There was no way he could remain attracted to me.

When I walked into Biology after lunch, the left side of the table was occupied. Butterflies filled my stomach and I had to take a deep breath before walking to my seat. Edward didn't look up until I was just a couple feet away. His eyes widened and he looked away from me quickly. I pulled out the chair and sat down as casually as I could.

I searched for something I could possibly say to him that wouldn't sound awkward or forced. Or stupid. Before I could conjure anything, anything at all, Mr. Banner began speaking. He explained the lab experiment that we would be doing today and I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. This meant that I would have no choice but to talk to Edward. A kid named Eric Yorkie placed microscopes on everyone's desks and we got to work.

"Ladies first?" Edward asked. I blinked a couple times, the sound of his voice turning my brain into mush. "Or I can just do it, if you want," he murmured, looking away.

"No, I'll go," I said quickly. I grabbed the microscope and took a quick look. "Prophase." He took the microscope from me and looked in himself, obviously not confident in my answer, before writing _prophase_ down on a sheet of paper.

"You didn't believe me?" I asked, mocking hurt. His eyes widened and he stuttered.

"It's not that—I was just double checking…I didn't know if you were…smart…in…AP…bio…" he trailed off, shaking his head at himself. "God, I sound like such a fucking asshole." I giggled and the sound seemed to appease him.

"I was just kidding," I promised. We completed the rest of the assignment comfortably ten minutes before the end of class. Once we were done, the tension returned and we sat in awkward silence.

"Why did you move here?" he blurted after five minutes of quiet. His question caught me off guard. No one had asked me that since I'd gotten here.

"My mom died." I stated flatly. He was instantly remorseful.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked something so pers—"

"Just shut up, okay?" I said, lowering my voice. "I've known you for something like twenty hours and been in your presence for about two, and you've apologized three times in that short span of time. There's nothing to be sorry for."

He looked at the ground. "I feel like I should say…something…about what happened last night." I stiffened immediately and waited for his next words with anticipation. "It was a shitty thing to do to you. And I have to apologize, _again_, for doing it."

"Why did you?" I said before I could stop myself.

"Why did I what?" he asked. I kept my lips pressed tightly together. "Kiss you?" I nodded. Edward sighed and ran a hand through his beautiful hair. "I can't really give you a good answer. I just…I know it sounds perverted and stupid, but I _really_ wanted to. I _needed_ to."

The bell rang and he jumped from his seat and was gone within seconds. I sat in my own seat, completely still, for a few seconds more. I had a million more questions than answers, but there was one thing that I knew for sure.

I wasn't the only one who had felt that same, electrifying, soul-consuming pull.

**Hmm, what happened to Bella before she moved to Forks? **

**I really don't want to bribe people for reviews, but it looks like that is what I am about to do. Reviews, positive or negative, get an Edward's POV outtake. Thanks for reading!**

**Monnica**


	3. Chapter 3: Flawed Design

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. **

EPOV

"Why did you?" Bella asked in a slightly breathy voice. I met her wide, honest eyes before dropping my own to the table in front of me. I had a fairly good idea what she was asking, but I clarified, just in case.

"Why did I what? Kiss you?"

Another stolen glance. She nodded her head once, very slightly. Her eyes waited for my answer expectantly. I could only hope what I said wouldn't disappoint her, or even worse, disgust her.

"I can't really give you a good answer," I said hesitantly. "I just…" my voice trailed off. Fuck it, I finally decided. I'd give her honesty. What else could I give her?

"I know it sounds perverted, but I really wanted to. I _needed_ to," I said in a rush. As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt fucking stupid and fled from the room to my next class.

I would be one lucky fucker if she ever talked to me again. But on the other hand, she did speak to me after I molested her in my mother's kitchen.

She really _shouldn't_ talk to me, though. Bella was a brilliant girl, and being in my presence would tarnish her reputation at this school instantly. I didn't want that to happen to her. I didn't want anyone to go through what I did every single day.

My mind was elsewhere during history. It was only when I was called on that I realized I was completely out of it.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Mr. Morrison?" Snickers filled the silence and I felt my face turning red.

"I asked you a question." More laughter. I silently asked God to make time speed up.

"Could you repeat it, sir?"

"If had been listening, I wouldn't have to." A pencil hit the back of my neck and there were more giggles.

"Class," he said loudly, and I momentarily thought he was going to get them to shut up. "This is a perfect example of someone who is not going anywhere in life after graduation."

I fucking hate you Mr. Morrison.

"Thank you, Edward, for helping me demonstrate that without listening skills _and_ social skills, people cannot hope to succeed in life."

The end bell rang and students laughed. A crumpled up piece of paper was thrown in my face and Mike Newton's elbow 'accidentally' jabbed into my side.

"I'd like you to copy out these notes before you leave, Mr. Cullen," Morrison said sternly, dropping a booklet with small black print on the desk. He turned to walk into his office and I glared daggers at his back, wishing I could tell Esme about him, but knowing it would definitely not make things better.

Alice poked her head into the classroom and frowned when I pointed to the booklet on my desk. She rolled her eyes and waved, whispering. "See you at home."

An hour and a half later, I had every single fucking word written down on loose leaf paper. I stapled it and dropped it on his desk before grabbing my things. I carelessly threw them in my locker and proceeded to walk to the backdoor of the school. Usually I left through the front door since it was closest to the parking lot, but I was walking today.

The area was heavily treed, with only about four feet of walking space between the forest and the side of the school. I ran my hand across the jagged rock wall absently and decided I would take my sweet time getting home.

I was suddenly thrown back forcefully and before I could register what was happening, my back slammed into the brick wall. Cruel laughter rang in my ears as I sagged to the ground littered with cigarette butts. A strong fist wrapped around the collar of my shirt and yanked me forward. The strong odour of smoke and garlic filled my nose and I grimaced.

"Saw you talkin' to the new girl, fag," James growled. My throat constricted with panic and it became impossible for me to speak.

"Is cock-sucking Dickward trying to get into the new skank's pants?" he cooed as if talking to a baby. More laughter. I tried to control my heart beat. James's voice lowered into a much more threatening and chilling tenor.

"If you so much as look at her again, I'll slam you're head into this wall until blood spews from your ears and then fuck her myself."

His grip released my shirt, only to have his fist slam into my jaw. A small grunt escaped my throat upon impact and the back of my head hit the jagged bricks again. When I heard the sound of his laugh and felt his foot kick my shin, I knew the pain was coming to an end. The laughter slowly faded as he walked back to the parking lot with his friends, but I kept my eyes closed. Many minutes passed as I listened to the sound of gravel crunching beneath the tires of vehicles until finally, there was no sound but the wind blowing through the trees.

My lids lifted slowly and took in the absolute stillness of the world around me. It was almost as if nothing happened.

I could pretend nothing happened. Right?

The truth was, I couldn't. Because this time, it wasn't just _my_ safety that was in jeopardy. This time, Bella had been threatened too.

_Bella_.

I ran into the nearest school entrance and walked swiftly down the halls toward the bathroom, looking behind me periodically. I hated that I was so paranoid. I kicked the door open forcefully and staggered to the mirror. Placing my hands on the edge of the vanity, I let my shoulders sag and reluctantly looked into the mirror. Dirt and blood covered my skin, and I could vaguely see a bruise forming on the underside of my jaw. I splashed the cool, murky sink water on my face and scrubbed away the grime with a couple paper towels.

Hopefully Esme wouldn't notice the tiny scratches and the purpling skin.

When I turned the corner of the hallway that lead to the parking lot, I halted in my tracks. Bella Swan stood at her locker with several books and papers scattered at her feet. I supposed she was most likely organizing her things. It was incredible how her beautiful, creamy face seemed to entrance me, even after the encounter with James.

Then I realized I was still standing in the middle of the hall, simply staring at her like some creepy stalker. And then I realized something else.

_If you so much as look at her again, I'll slam you're head into this wall until blood spews from your ears and then fuck her myself._

I fled around the corner and sunk to the ground, listening closely for the sound of paper rustling and the dull thud of textbooks hitting the back of the locker. Once she was gone, I would be allowed to leave as well.

I would be _allowed_?

Dear Jesus, what was it about her that had so much control over me in just twenty-four hours? No more than a couple minutes when by in which I didn't think about her. Anger rippled through my veins at the accusation that I was trying to 'get in her pants'. That was one-hundred percent false.

Okay, fine. Ninety-nine percent false.

The sound of a locker being slammed made me jump slightly. I held my breath as I listened to the sound of her heavy black boots thudding down the hall and then finally, the bang of the door to the parking lot shutting. I decided to wait for a couple minutes more so I could really be sure she was gone, and went back to my inner musings.

I'll admit that I was incredibly physically attracted to every part of her. That was obvious the moment I laid eyes on her. I can't think about that kiss without goose bumps erupting across my skin and my stomach tying in knots. The moment I met those wide, chocolate brown eyes, I began to drown. And I had not yet resurfaced.

But I couldn't let that control me. I wasn't right for her; I couldn't be anything more than I already was—a loser. She was beautiful and strong and made a room light up the moment she entered it.

Sighing, I stood up, somewhat shakily since my legs were sore after being slammed against the wall. I opened the door carefully and gazed across the parking lot. Not a car was in sight, except for the rusty green van that belonged to the janitor.

I jogged into the crisp evening air and began to cross the cemented ground. I began to clam down when I was sure I was really and truly alone.

Seconds after the thought, a hand wrapped around my arm and I gasped as I spun around, expecting James. To my great relief—and dread—it was Bella. I looked around quickly us quickly. It would be just my luck to find out that James was lurking in the trees just a little ways away.

Her eyes widened at my reaction, but she didn't let go of me. Instead, she took a couple steps closer and stared up at me with those expressive eyes. The burn of her touch became too much when I realized that it was everything that I needed and could never have.

I yanked my arm away and glared at her stonily. She took a step back, slightly startled by my demeanour and began to fiddle with the loose thread at the hemline of her sleeve cuff.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," she said politely. Her tone told me she was indifferent, but her eyes said something entirely different.

I was, once again, freaked the fuck out that I could read her so well.

When I didn't reply, she went on. "I was…er…wondering if you could catch me up on the stuff I missed at the beginning of the year?" she asked, hope clear in her eyes. "I would have asked Alice, but she doesn't have class with Mr. Banner, and—"

"No." The word burned like acid on my tongue. I had to concentrate to keep myself from wincing.

She stopped abruptly and regarded me carefully. "No?" she asked slowly, cautiously.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for several seconds to compose myself. There could be no remorse or guilt in my expression or tone when I spoke. Otherwise, I feared she wouldn't stay away from me. And it was crucial that she did.

"Look, I know you're under the impression that we might become friends, but we won't." All emotion was void from my voice and I stared at her shocked expression through hard eyes. "I don't want you to be my friend or whatever the fuck it is you're clearly hoping we'll become, okay? Just fucking leave me alone."

I pivoted on the spot and began to jog toward the street before she could see me break down like a fucking girl, but she called out to me before I could get too far.

"That's fucking bullshit."

And yup—now I'm hard. Hearing her cuss was the sexiest fucking thing ever. I turned to face her and more blood rushed to my dick when I took in her fiery expression. She was pissed, and for some really weird reason, that turned me on even more.

"Is it?" I demanded, taking a couple large strides toward her. Her eyes blazed and I was pretty sure mine did too, but with lust.

"Oh, it is," she assured me. I was about to ask her where she got her proof, but she beat me to it. "I think that kissing me qualifies as 'whatever the fuck' it is you're hoping I will become."

I'm pretty fucking positive that my face turned a little red, but I pressed on. "Contrary to your belief, I'm not looking for anyone to be my…whatever the fuck." She rolled her eyes at my incredibly intelligent choice of words and gave me a heated glare.

"Neither am I, Edward. Nor do I need a friend. But you know what? I believe you do." I opened my mouth again, but she wasn't finished. "So forgive me for asking for your help. I didn't realize I was breaking some unspoken rule of yours."

A police cruiser pulled up to the curve and honked. She ran toward it and panic bubbled up in my chest. Before I could stop myself, I called out.

"Bella!"

She turned, and I hesitated, not sure what to say. Sorry? No. She needed to stay away from me. She needed to think that I was an asshole who didn't care about her feelings or what I had said.

She took a deep breath and met my gaze steadily. "I know it probably doesn't matter to you, Edward, but I did _not_ deserve to be spoken to like that." The car honked again, and I was left standing in the middle of the parking lot as she hopped inside and drove out of site.

This was for the better. This was how it had to be, for her benefit and for mine. So why did I feel like shit?

**For anyone who is wondering, I DO NOT plan on updating ever few months. I've been away on vacation so I haven't had much time to write. I'm super busy during the summer though, so I'll probably update once every two weeks or so. **

**Thanks to the people who read this!**


	4. Chapter 4: Brand New Low

**Disclaimer: I live in an apartment and go to work six days a week and receive 6 weeks vacation time in 365 days. I think it is fair to say I do not own Twilight. **

**~Chapter 4: Steam and Sorrow**

I slammed the door of my dad's police cruiser behind my and sunk down into the seat, crossing my arms. I was literally fuming. I couldn't remember every being this angry. Stupid, beautiful, confusing, Edward fucking Cullen had made me so furious I could barely think. This feeling hadn't been present for…well, probably four years. If possible, the anger heightened. Who the fuck did he think he was, pissing me off like this? Why _him_? That fucking asshole who haunted my every breath couldn't have made me angry when I needed it most, but _Edward_ could?

My breath caught. Had I really just thought about…_him_…without fear coursing through my body?

A shiver ran up my spine and goose bumps appeared across my chest. _Don't push your luck. Once is enough_.

Charlie didn't speak at first but every few seconds he would glance at me through the corner of his eye.

"Doing alright, Bella?" he finally asked hesitantly, almost as if he were afraid of my answer. I think it was pretty damn obvious that I wasn't'doing alright'. What the fuck ever. I sort of understood. He was new at this parenting stuff. I was new at it too.

"No."

"Was that one of those Cullen boys?" he asked after a couple more seconds of silence.

"Yup."

Charlie sighed and gave up, probably realizing he wouldn't be getting any more information from me. When we arrived at the house only minutes later, I went straight to work making supper by putting a pot of water on the stove.

"You don't need to do that," Charlie said immediately. I paused in the midst of opening the pantry door and turned to face him.

"What?" I snapped. I winced and cleared my throat. "Sorry, I mean, pardon me?" Surely I couldn't have heard him correctly.

"I said it isn't necessary for you to make dinner. I can do it."

I frowned and analyzed his expression to see if he was joking around. However, I could see nothing but seriousness in his eyes. "But you're the adult," I stated dumbly.

"That's right," he said slowly. He narrowed his eyes and stared at me in what looked like concentration. Or more confusion. I couldn't really be sure. I, myself, was too shocked to observe what _Charlie_ was feeling.

"You know what? It's okay," I said, becoming uncomfortable with the awkward silence and overall situation. "I'll make some pasta. Cooking helps me relax," I lied. I didn't really give a shit about cooking either way. It wasn't fun, but it didn't ultimately suck either.

"If you're sure…"

"Yes, I am. Definitely. Isn't there a game on T.V.?"

And with that last question, Charlie let it go, and excused himself from the kitchen. I dumped some spaghetti into the boiling water and sat on the counter while I waited for it to cook before starting the sauce. My cell phone rang in my pocket and I pressed talk, already knowing who it was. Only two people had my number and one of them was Charlie.

"Hey, Alice."

"Have you spoken to Edward today?" she asked immediately, not bothering with pleasantries.

"Why are you asking?" I demanded though I was quite sure I knew the answer. My perplexed mood instantly soured into something much worse. Anger. More anger. Again.

This was so fucking weird.

"He just got home, and let me tell you, he's pretty upset. And when I say Edward's upset, I don't just mean, like, really upset, I mean one hundred times more upset than a normal person—"

I couldn't help the very unfeminine laugh that escaped my throat. I hadn't known him long at all, but it seemed Edward was quite the drama queen, no matter what mood he was in.

"What's so funny?"

"Yes, I spoke to him, Alice," I conceded. There was a pause of silence in which I think Alice had expected me to continue.

"Did you…Well did he…" she sighed and began again. "Bella, I like you, I really do, but I need to know—did you hurt my brother's feelings in some way?"

I snorted. "Hardly."

"What happened?"

I sighed heavily and recounted the whole story, word for word. She listened quietly throughout the whole thing, only interjecting with a snort and a gasp from time to time.

After I finished, there was a beat of silence. Holy shit, I couldn't believe how relieved I felt. And I couldn't believe how refreshing it was to be angry for a change.

I didn't usually have many emotions these days.

"Ok_aaay_," Alice finally said. "So in short, he was a dick."

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"And now he's berating himself over it."

"Not too sure on the latter."

She sighed and I could practically hear her rolling her eyes over the phone. "I know you're mad at him and probably don't want anything to do with him - which I _totally_ understand - but Edward's a really complex person, Bella. I don't think his motive was to hurt you or make you upset. I mean, why else would he have come home all depressed if he wanted to make you feel bad?"

"Alice, can we please not talk about this right now? I'm in the middle of making supper anyway."

"Fine," she huffed. "But we _will_ talk about it."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, okay."

"See you tomorrow, Bella."

Just as she was about to hang up, I remembered something. "Wait!"

"Yes?"

"Does your…I mean, do you ever make supper for your mom and dad?"

"Well, I do on special occasions and stuff like their birthdays and anniversary. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," I murmured weakly.

"Yeah, not buying that, but I'll let it go."

I laughed lightly despite my inner turmoil. "Goodnight, Alice."

"'Night, Bella!"

The phone clicked and I tucked it back into my pocket. So other kids didn't cook for their parents on a day to day basis. I chose to focus on this fact rather than Edward and our weird, beautiful connection. He didn't want me in his life, so I didn't want him.

Yeah, Bella, sure. _Very_ convincing.

_Shut the fuck up._

Supper was ready a couple minutes later. Charlie and I didn't have anything to say so we ate in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"This is really good, Bells," he finally said. I raised an eyebrow at him and managed a smile.

"It's just pasta and store-bought tomato sauce."

"Yeah, well…" he scratched the back of his neck. "Better than anything I can cook."

I smiled pleasantly and went back to my spaghetti. Carbs were not something I usually let myself eat, but every once in a while, I gave myself a treat.

"So, how was school?"

Man, Charlie was really trying to make a father/daughter relationship happen. Somehow, I didn't see it working out. But I'd play along.

"Fine. I like my classes, and I already made some friends."

"Who?" he asked kindly, but I could see the inner policeman that spent most of his working hours busting kids with drugs trying to break free.

"Alice and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale."

Charlie nodded once. "They're nice kids, I think. Was it Emmett that you were talking to in the parking lot?"

Damn it. Can't let it go, can you, Charlie?

"No, that was Edward."

"Ah, Edward. You two aren't best buddies yet then?"

I gave him a withering look and he chuckled, holding up his hands in surrender as he pushed his chair out from the table and took his plate to the sink.

After doing the dishes, I worked on my homework in my bedroom. Everything I was learning was so easy, I barely had to think at all. Before moving, I usually had a lot of time to spare when I wasn't at school, and the best way to fill it was to learn. I borrowed textbooks from the library and taught myself the curriculum of the grades above me. Almost everything I was being taught at Forks high school, I already knew.

Which, I suppose, was a good thing, since I barely had room to think about anything else other than Edward.

Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back and hit the wall behind my bed. He was tearing up what little of a life I had, ripping it to shreds in such a short time. I wanted him, and that was wrong on so many levels. I shouldn't want him. I didn't even know how I was capable of wanting someone. It shouldn't be possible for me.

But here I was, unable to think of anything but him, unable to slow the quick beating of my heart. He had consumed me, and the scary part of it was that I needed more of him…I need to get to know him so badly it hurt, but at the same time, I felt that I already knew him too much.

Where the fuck did I go from here?

I glanced at the clock on my bedside table and sighed. I would first have to make it through a long, long night.

Alice picked me up for school in the morning. Yesterday, I had told her that Charlie would be dropping me off in the cruiser every single day, and I guess it sort of sounded like I was complaining, because she insisted that she would pick me up everyday for them on. I didn't accept at first, but in the end Alice got her way. I was starting to see that she always did.

"Morning!" she chirped. I gave her a small smile and absolutely did not look at the person seated behind me.

"Emmett has a dentist appointment, so he's coming to school later."

"Mmm," I nodded vaguely.

"So did you get your classes all straightened out?"

I didn't answer immediately, as she changed the topic of conversation so quickly it left me reeling. She had wanted to give me a ride home, but I had to switch a couple classes to AP and organize my books in my locker.

"Yeah, most of them anyway," I muttered before raising my voice louder, "except for bio. I think I'm going to switch that to _before_ lunch."

There was a snort from the backseat, and I rolled my eyes before glancing over at Alice, who was grimacing. I continued on my little rant.

"You see, Alice, there are some real assholes in my class and I'm having a difficult time making _friends_."

"Get over it," a beautiful but menacing voice snapped. I turned around in my seat and my heart stopped the moment I saw his face. God, why did he have to be _so fucking beautiful_? My heart may not have been working, but I still managed to glare at him. My mouth opened to spit some pretty hateful words, but Alice spoke before I could.

"Since we're going to be best friends, Bella, there are some things you should know about me. The most important is that I _love_ shopping for people, and if this friendship is gonna work out, you have no choice but to let me buy you a whole new wardrobe."

I raised and eyebrow at her, still fighting the urge to give Edward a piece of my mind, but trying. Trying for Alice's sake.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" I demanded. Honestly, I knew they sucked. But I never had much money in Phoenix, and this was all I could afford.

That, and baggy clothes were safe. No one could see me in them.

She kept her eyes on the road, but her lips were slightly curved upwards. "I think it's safe to say that you and I both know everything you own is the wrong size. Not to mention the wrong color and style and brand and quality."

I laughed once. "I can agree about the size thing, but other than that, I don't know shit."

She giggled and when she glanced in the rear view mirror, her smile grew. "What do you suggest, Edward?"

My eyes widened and I chanced a quick look at him over my shoulder. His face was an unreadable mask, displaying nothing but maybe a tiny shred of shock.

"What?" he murmured quietly.

"What kind of clothes should Bella wear?"

His face suddenly fell and he slumped into the seat. My heart broke for him, even though I was still most definitely pissed (which I was sort of proud of). He shrugged and looked out the window.

I bit my lip and looked out my own window. Alice squealed as a crappy pop song came on the radio and she turned it up louder. While she sang along, I tortured myself over Edward, yet again.

He had been so quiet yesterday morning, and for the first while in biology. I hadn't expected him to turn into that fiery, confident guy after school yesterday, and it caught me off guard. Could I really blame him for lashing out at me? He might have felt as if I pitied him.

I began to feel more and more guilty and when we pulled into the parking spot on the edge of the lot, I looked at him again. His eyes were tortured and he looked so damn tired and…defeated. He might fool some people, but he didn't fool me. I had looked out of eyes like those before. Before he could walk away, I touched his arm, much more gently than I had last night.

"Edward? Can I talk to you?" he didn't glance at me, but he looked over my shoulder with wide eyes. Without another word, he walked away from Alice and I swiftly and disappeared into the crowd of students. I gave Alice a look that asked for some kind of explanation. She smiled weakly at me and held out her hands helplessly as she shrugged.

"Alice! Bella!"

I turned my head when my name was called and smiled when I saw Rosalie walking toward us. "How'd the drive with Eddie go?" She must have noticed my surprise, because she added, "I was over with Emmett when he got home last night."

"Oh," I said. It was strange to think that both sets of siblings were dating the other. "The drive was okay."

Alice giggled. "Yeah, sure, I only had to bring up the subject of shopping to keep you from murdering him. Speaking of, I thought we'd go to Port Angeles after school. Rose, you need to come too."

I panicked a little bit. "Alice, I can't." Her smile faltered and she gave me a pouty look.

"Why?" she whined.

"I don't exactly have much money." Her smile brightened and she waved me off with her hand.

"Oh, don't worry about _that_. I'm buying everything for you."

I started. Did she just say…? No. There was no way. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you heard me."

"Are you honestly telling me you were _serious _about buying me a whole new wardrobe? I can't let you do that! That's just…" I didn't even know _what_ that was. In what world did people like this exist?

"Don't be silly, Bella," Alice insisted. She began to skip away; Rose and I followed her into the school.

"She bought me a million clothes too when I moved here," Rose said. "Alice is absolutely addicted to playing dress-up. It'll be like you're doing her a favour instead of the other way around, trust me." I looked at her like she was crazy. Let Alice buy me a whole new wardrobe? Yeah right. "Plus, her parent's have so much money that they don't even notice when a couple fucking thousand disappear."

"A couple thousand?" I squeaked.

"I was kidding, relax, Bella," she laughed, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"There is no way in hell I'm letting this happen."

Rose snorted and shook her head. "Yeah, good luck with that."

When I told Alice at lunch that I absolutely refused to let her spend any money on me, I understood Rose's remark. Alice peered up at me with wide, sad eyes. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyebrows pinched together.

"But Bella," she whined. "Forks is so small and I've run out of clients. I need to practice before I get out of here and experience the real world! Can't you just please let me have my fun?" she begged with watery eyes. "Please? Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top and sprinkles and hot fudge sauce with caramel bits—"

"Okay, okay!" I cut her off. "Fine, Alice, but you need to let me repay you somehow."

"Oh, Bella! Anything you want!" she gushed. She went back to her bubbly, happy self as she talked about a new store at the mall. I pretended to be interested. Ten minutes before the end of lunch, Alice ran off, saying something about turning in posters for the fall formal.

"My parents are going out of town this weekend for a second honeymoon or some shit," Rosalie said as she dumped her leftover food into the trash.

"That's…nice?" I said hesitantly, unsure why she was sharing this bit of information with me.

She snorted. "I honestly couldn't care less about that part. But Jazz and I'll have the house to ourselves, so you and Alice should sleep over on Friday."

A small smile finds its way onto my face. I had never been to a slumber party before. Would we paint our nails and talk about boys? Somehow that didn't seem like an attractive idea to me because I only wore black nail polish, and the only boy I was comfortable thinking about was the one who made me angry yesterday.

But still.

A sleepover sounded like a fan-fucking-tastic thing to do.

"That would be fun. I'll let my dad know."

When I walked into bio, Edward was already seated at our table. His chair was pointed toward the window and was at the very edge of the desk. I sighed and sank into the crappy plastic chair. As I did so, he gripped the side of the table so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His jaw was clenched and his posture was rigid.

"Edward?" I whispered. He scowled but otherwise acted as if he hadn't heard anything. His silence caused a faint but distinct pang in my heart. I didn't like it.

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. It was wrong of me to make assumptions." He seemed to be shaking slightly but made no move to even glance at me. I must have really offended him.

Mr. Banner walked into the classroom and began to talk about some kind of exhibit at the science center in Port Angeles. I couldn't have really cared less at that moment.

"If you think I pity you, I don't," I whispered. Edward's eyes closed.

"It's okay if you don't want to be friends. I get it. I'm sorry," I placed my hand on his shoulder and he suddenly jerked away and stood up so he towered over me, eyes blazing. I leaned back in shock.

"I don't care!" he snapped loudly. Mr. Banner stopped talking and all the students turned to stare. "Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"Mr. Cullen. Office," Mr. Banner ordered. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Edward. Salt water stung my eyes as they followed his angry profile out the door. I vaguely registered people staring at me and Mr. Banner resuming his lecture. But all my concentration was on keeping my tears at bay.

(¯`v´¯)

¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)  
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`

**So, I have more written, but that seemed like a good place to leave it. **

**News! I have found myself a BETA! She was unable to edit this chapter right now, and I'm going on vacation again in a couple days so I figured I would post it since I won't have internet access again until the 17****th****. This chapter isn't all shiny and clean, but the next one will be. She's also editing the first three chapters that are up so hopefully I'll have them reposted before I leave. **

**Thank you very much to my readers and to ADADancer, SleepMyBella, teambellaedward, Everlasting Muse, and Sophia18 for commenting on the last chapter and everyone else who commented on the other chapters! **

**-Monnica**


	5. Chapter 5: Shine

**Hello my dear readers. I have finished chapter 5, so go read. **

**Warning: Some dark themes ahead. Read at your own caution. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

Edward's Point of View

Fuck if I was going to go to the principal's office. Like I was going to explain my reason for being there. I could only imagine the conversation too well.

"_I yelled at Isabella Swan."_

"_Why, Mr. Cullen, would you have reason to yell at a new student?"_

"_She's trying to become my friend."_

"_And that's a bad thing?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because it can't end well."_

"_Meaning?"_

"_I'll either end up fucking her, or she'll fucking break my heart."_

Yeah, I kind of think visiting Mr. Green was out of the question. I sure as hell wouldn't be telling him the truth, and I couldn't really think of anything but lame ass excuses.

So I ended up beneath a cool old twisty looking tree in the forest just a couple minutes walking distance away from the school. I closed my eyes and dropped my head onto my bent knees. Right now, I wanted nothing more than to be able to shut off my brain, but unfortunately, it refused to shut up.

There had been so many different emotions coursing through my body, flipping rapidly and without warning since I'd set eyes on Bella. Last night, when she had reminded me that she hadn't done anything to deserve being yelled at, she was completely right, of course. So far, everything she said was right. I went home feeling like utter shit and had felt fifty pounds heavier with all the guilt that weighed me down. I reminded myself a thousand times that I was doing this for her own good.

Each time, my subconscious whispered that it wasn't up to me to make decisions for her.

Then this morning, I was slightly relieved to discover she was pissed at me. It made it easier to keep from breaking my resolve. I hoped she was angry enough to stay away from me. But when we got out of the car, she just _had_ to touch me. My eyes scoured the parking lot and, yup, just my luck, James was watching. I pulled away coldly and hoped James would get the hint.

And finally, her apologies in biology. I was pissed that she felt guilty for what _I_ had done to her. It made me feel worse about myself, and for a few short seconds I hated her for evoking these feelings in me. Then she touched me again, this time on my shoulder, and James, seated a couple rows away, shot me an evil, spine chilling smirk.

That bastard was watching my every move. Watching to see if I touched her, or she touched me. Hatred for Bella welled up inside me—she was going to be the reason for the next dose of pain I would receive from James. And he'd probably try to rape her, too.

I snapped and yelled at her, hoping to save us both. Her shocked, hurt expression was burned into the back of my eyelids with frightening clarity.

I didn't hate Bella, not really. I hated what she did to me. Her presence took away the little control I had over my body and soul. I was completely helpless now. It was fucking scary.

I glanced at my watch. The end of the day bell would ring in a half hour. I sent Alice a quick text, telling her to leave without me. I couldn't face Bella again today. It was too much for me to handle. Not wanting to get stuck in a situation where I ended up alone with James, I began to jog home.

Yeah, I was a fucking pussy. I ran when I could. I was too weak to fight back.

But who really cared? Who really gave a shit about me? Esme, Carlisle and my siblings did, I knew that, but I kept as much as possible from them. And even _they_ didn't really bother to find out anymore than I told them. I knew they did care about me, but obviously not enough. Other than those four people, no one gave a fuck who Edward Cullen was, let alone whether he was happy or not. Even I certainly couldn't care less about myself.

I cursed when I saw Esme's car parked in the driveway. She _had_ to choose today to be early, didn't she? Fucking figures, with my luck. I pushed the front door open slowly and sighed quietly in relief when it didn't squeak. Maybe I did have a little luck on my side. I ran up the first couple steps. Her voice rang out before I was even half way up.

"Edward?"

_Fuck._

Looks like I had used up all my luck already. I turned around slowly. Her wide green eyes stared at me for a couple seconds. "I thought school got out at three."

She fucking knew when it got out.

"It does."

Esme glanced at her watch. "It's ten to three, Edward."

"I fucking know what time it is," I snapped. Esme rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.

"I got a call from the principal a few minutes ago," she began in a calm, cold voice. "I've been informed that you were supposed to pay him a visit this afternoon, and never even showed. He also informed me that you served a well deserved detention yesterday."

"Yeah, well, you better believe all the shit you hear," I muttered and started to climb the staircase again.

"Edward!" she said shrilly. My hands turned into fists and I once again turned to look at her.

"Yes, mother dearest?" I asked in a sweet voice. She ignored me and ploughed on.

"Calls from your teachers, skipping school, and now lashing out at a poor girl who hasn't done a thing to you? What the hell has gotten into you?"

I bristled. "You don't know shit, so maybe you should just fuck off."

"Don't you _dare_ speak to me like that! I deserve an answer, Edward! What happened today with the police chief's daughter?"

I stared at her coldly, and she stared right back. I had to give her that; she could hold her own pretty fucking well. "I don't owe you anything."

This time she didn't call me back when I sprinted up the rest of the stairs. I slammed by bedroom door shut and threw myself onto the bed, breathing heavily. My body was shaking, and I didn't try to stop it. Something wet touched my cheek, and I dabbed it with my index finger. I sucked the bead of clear liquid into my mouth. It tasted salty.

I was crying.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

Bella's Point of View

"Hey, Bella! Ready for some shopping?"

I jumped and dropped my books. They landed with a clatter on the floor in front of my locker. I pressed my hand to my heart, willing it to slow down.

"Jesus Christ, Alice. You scared the hell out of me."

She smiled brightly and batted her eyelashes. "You know that's part of my irresistible charm." I laughed lightly and she pulled her cell phone from her pocket. She frowned when she looked at the screen.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said brightly, the frown disappearing and the brilliant smile lighting up her face once again. "Come on, let's go get Rose! We'll ride in her car and Emmett can drive home in the jeep."

She grabbed my hand and began pulling me out into the parking lot. Rose's red convertible was parked at the far end, to lessen the chances of it getting scratched, I guessed. She was already there, waiting for us. I called Charlie to let him know I was going to Port Angeles and I'd be home later.

We chatted for most of the ride about trivial, mundane things. It felt good to just relax and be care free. Until Rose killed my mood with one sentence.

"I heard Edward made a big scene in biology."

_I won't think about it. I _won't_ think about it. Edward Cullen will not gain any more control over me. _

"Yeah," was all I said. There was a pause.

"Well?" Rose pressed. "What happened?"

"Not that I wouldn't love to share this with you," I muttered sarcastically, "but I would rather not think about him tonight."

"Alright," Rose conceded. I sighed in relief. "But I bet you didn't deserve whatever he said to you."

"Drop it, please?" I asked. She huffed in annoyance.

"_Fine_."

Alice had not said a thing on the subject. But she did squeal, "Yay! We're here! Oh my God, we should totally stop there! Oh, no, wait! Let's stop at La Fleur Rouge first!"

Much to my relief, I didn't need to participate in the whole process of finding myself a new look. I just stood in the change room while Alice and Rose dumped piles of clothes over the door and had me model each piece for them. And then, to my surprise, I found that I actually _liked_ the majority of the clothes they chose. They covered up my body, but at the same time, didn't look dumpy or ugly. I could wear them without being noticed but still look attractive.

Five bags and four hours later, we were on our way back to Forks. We giggled the entire time and Alice said she couldn't wait to see me wear the pyjamas she bought me at the sleepover. When I got home, I did my homework and hung my new clothes in my wardrobe with a small smile on my face. I wished I had lived in Forks my whole life.

I liked having friends.

And, with that thought, a certain individual who did not have friends crept into my mind. I shoved him out.

Before crawling into bed, I went to open the window a crack. A small dark square on the opposite side of the glass caught my eye. I pushed the window open further and pulled a sticky piece of notepad paper inside. It read one word.

_Sorry_

I stared at it for a long time. Even if I hadn't recognized the writing, I would have known who it was from.

Sorry. What was it, exactly, that he was sorry for? Just this afternoon, or everything that had happened since I'd moved here? I wanted to ask him. I would ask him. But not tomorrow. If he was feeling anything like I was, he needed a bit of space.

I wondered if he was uncomfortable with people knowing I talked to him. It seemed that way, though I could not fathom why. Whatever the reason, I would try to show him that I was there if he needed someone to talk to. I'd just have to do so inconspicuously.

Maybe Edward was just as, or even more fucked up than I was. I laughed bitterly at the thought. Yeah, right. But Alice had said he was a complicated person. Could I possibly find some solace by talking to him, too? God knows that's what I needed.

I wrote a short note to Edward and planned to slip it in his locker before school and finally fell asleep feeling happier than I had in a long time. However, the feeling was extinguished when the dreams began.

_Blood was smeared across the walls of the hallway. I forced my broken body to move forward. The bookcase was on its side and the pages of hundreds of stories fluttered eerily in the wind coming from the open window. I tried to turn on the light switch, but the power was out again. I grabbed the flashlight from the drawer of the knocked over front table and turned it on with a shaking and dirty hand. _

_The carpet leading to the basement was stained with red drops. A crimson hand print was smeared across the old wood of the door. I pushed it open slowly. Rust and salt filled my nose and I resisted the urge to throw up. _

_The rotten wooden stairs creaked as I descended into the cold room. My body shook so violently that I had trouble standing. I rounded the corner and hurled. Vomit splattered against the cracked cement floor. Then I screamed. _

My eyes flew open and I bit my wrist as hard as I could without making it bleed to keep from crying out and waking Charlie. Tears stung my eyes and I struggled to get hold of my body. I looked around the room, trying to find something that would distract me. My eyes fell on the sticky-note attached to the side of my nightstand.

_Sorry_

I calmed down slightly and my mind was flooded with thoughts of Edward. I concentrated on the mental image of his face instead of the dream. Even with the distraction, I didn't fall back asleep.

In the morning, I texted Alice to let her know that I would be going to school early and she didn't need to pick me up. The walk took a half hour and I made it there forty minutes before the bell was supposed to ring. I squeezed the folded up paper into the small crack between the door and wall of the locker that I knew was Edward's and then sat under a large, old tree just a little down a trail near the school field.

Taking out my sketch pad, I began to draw those piercing green eyes that looked directly into my soul, and as the minutes passed, I found his entire face staring up from the paper at me.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

EPOV

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

I unlocked my locker and wrenched it open to forcefully that I almost didn't notice the small piece of paper that fluttered to the ground. It was folded carefully into quarters. My heart leapt when I read it.

_You're forgiven. I'd appreciate it if you stopped trying to push me away, though. I'll always forgive you, don't worry. Nothing you tell me will make me run. _

_Trust me. _

_B._

_P.S. I'll wait. _

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

**I know this chapter was kind of short, but it ended where it needed to end. Still enjoying it? I hope so. **

**Thanks for reviewing last chapter! It means a lot. **

**Monnica**


	6. Chapter 6: December

**So, this chapter is…(sad face)…not beta'd. None of them are yet. I did believe I had found myself a beta, but unfortunately I've had issues contacting her. I'm on my way over to Project Team Beta in a few minutes. **

**With that, enjoy…see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I cooked dinner tonight and washed the dishes by hand because my dishwasher broke and my husband wants to try and fix it himself to save money. I think we have established that I do not own Twilight.**

Bella's Point of View

To say I was scared shitless to walk into biology is a huge understatement. I had no idea how Edward would react to my note, or if he had even found it. But when I entered the room, no one occupied the table. I breathed a sigh of relief and began to walk to my seat when Mr. Banner called me.

"Isabella?"

I walked over to his desk, wondering what he could possibly have to say to me. "Yes, Mr. Banner?"

He leaned forward so the few other students in the class wouldn't hear him. "Would you be more comfortable if I moved you next to Angela Webber? Her partner is absent today."

_Hmm, tempting. _

But I couldn't run away from Edward. I'd even told him so in the letter I gave him. With a sigh, I shook my head. "I'll be fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

He nodded and gestured with a wave of his hand for me to take my place. My books fell onto the table with a clatter and I drew random patterns on the cover of my sketch pad. It was covered with lots of random quotations and images that had been drawn over time in boredom. The sound of metal against linoleum alerted me that Edward was pulling out the chair next to me. I dropped my textbook on top of my drawings and looked forward steadily.

I wasn't able to look at him. I felt as if I were frozen, unable to move or relax my tense muscles. A few minutes passed and then I felt a warm hand brush against the side of my thigh. I jumped a little and blushed, resisting the urge to look over at him and see if the touch was accidental.

But a moment later, I felt the movement again, though this time with a little more pressure. Instinctively, I looked at him through the corner of my eye and saw that the side of his mouth was turned up, ever so slightly. Just like that, I let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding, relaxed my rigid posture and my heart warmed. _He liked the note_. I suppressed a smile of my own. I repositioned myself in my chair and in the process, allowed my calf to brush his shin.

The corner of his mouth turned up a little more, and I looked away feeling much, much better. We were okay. For the moment being.

Mr. Banner began his lecture.

The rest of the day passed quickly and calmly. Edward and I didn't speak on the ride home, but we didn't specifically ignore each other either. I was giving him some space. Emmett dropped Alice off at home with me so we could hang out for a few hours. Rose was unable to come; her parents wanted to go out to dinner as a family before they left in the morning. Neither Rose nor Jasper seemed very excited. From what I understood, their parents were strict and proper. Mr. Hale worked with the church and Mrs. Hale was the bestselling author of the book series _Becoming Closer to God. _They couldn't really be themselves while around each other. I could understand it, considering Rose swore like a trucker and Jasper was quiet to begin with.

Alice and I did our homework before Charlie got home, which took close to an hour, and then ordered a pizza for supper.

"Why'd you move?" she asked around a mouthful of gooey cheesy pizza. I immediately stiffened.

"Uh…well, my mom died," I replied hesitantly. It had been so much easier to tell Edward than Alice. It should have been opposite.

She instantly looked remorsefully. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no, it's fine."

"Is that why you're dressed like a goth?"

I chocked on my pizza. "Sorry?" I sputtered.

"Goth. You know, you wear thick eyeliner and dark lipstick, and dark clothes…is it because you're grieving?"

I must have looked amused, because Alice raised an eyebrow. The way I looked had nothing to do with grievance. "No," I laughed.

"So…you like it?"

"Uh, yeah," I said with a shrug, trying to pull off nonchalance. Alice studied me through narrowed eyes and I knew she hadn't bought it for a second. The sound of the door opening momentarily distracted her and I was free from the scrutiny of her gaze.

"Bells?" Charlie called out.

"In the kitchen!" I yelled back. The stomping of his boots could be heard throughout the house as he made his way toward us.

"Is that pizza I sme—oh, hi there," he said when he saw Alice. She flashed him a dazzling smile.

"Hello, Chief Swan. Here, have a slice," she insisted, grabbing an extra plate and handing it to him. "You must be starving." Just like that, he became putty in her hands.

"Well, thank you," he answered gruffly, reaching into the cardboard box. "And you are Alice Cullen?" he asked.

"The one and the only," she beamed. Charlie cracked a smile and left to watch the game on television.

"He likes you already," I told her once he was gone.

She scoffed loudly. "Of course he does. I mean, really, Bella. Come on, who doesn't?"

We dissolved into laughter. But not even happiness could block out the dreams when night came.

_The dry, jagged rocks dug into the skin of my back. Something warm and sticky trickled down from my forehead to my eye. The night was hot, but my body felt so, so cold. I tried to scream, but my throat had closed up. No one would hear me anyway. I pressed my lips together as tears streamed down my face and tasted the distinct taste of blood. I wished that this was all a dream, that I would wake up and be safe in my bed. That I would be anywhere but here. _

I clutched the purple quilt and concentrated on slowing my breaths. _This time_, I had been dreaming.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

Edward's Point of View

Bella's note burned in my pocket like it was on fire. I was aware of it throughout the entire day; the words flew through my head a hundred times. I analyzed every single fucking word. I felt like such a girl.

_You're forgiven._

She had found my note. She didn't seem to be freaked out that I went to her house like some fucking stalker and climbed her tree and left the dull yellow sticky-note on the outside of her window. She accepted my simple, cowardly apology without questions or repercussions.

_I'd appreciate it if you stopped trying to push me away, though._

How was this girl able to read me like a fucking book? I thought and hoped that she had come to the conclusion that I didn't like her at all. But damn, she was persistent. She probably knew how utterly impossible it was for anyone to dislike her. Still, I couldn't believe she had come to the correct conclusion that I was pushing her away. She didn't know me, yet _she knew me_. She didn't know that my favourite color was red, or that I lived for music, or that I tended to be a bit OCD with my belongings. She didn't know that my favourite band was, and has always been Oasis, or that I hated seafood.

Yet she knew me. She knew I needed a friend; needed someone to talk to when I had no one else. She knew I'd been trying to push her away because I was scared to let anyone in. She knew that the brave façade I wore was just that—a façade.

_I'll always forgive you, don't worry._

She some how fucking knew that I hoped and feared that she wouldn't forgive me for the way I had acted toward her. The fear always overpowered the hope and I hated myself for it. And there was that key word; _always_. She wasn't just forgiving me for the series of fuck-ups that had happened in the four days I had known her. Bella promised to forgive me for whatever other shit I would surely do.

_Nothing you tell me will make me run._

That right there made shivers run down my spine. Again, she had understood me to the T. Everyone in my life always left me. Everyone I let in shut me out. I couldn't handle it much more. But here she was, not knowing the first thing about me, and promising that she would always be by my side, no matter what I told her.

_I'll wait._

And finally, she understood that I needed time. She said she'd be there for me when I was ready. She would _wait_. I thanked God for giving me a beautiful angel that might possibly be able to save my soul.

After school ended, I sat under the same tree I had the day before, but this time on the opposite side. Something caught my eye as I was about to sit down, and I narrowed my eyes at the rough bark that appeared to have been engraved.

_**Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow**_

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

"Oh my God this is going to be _so_ great!" Alice squealed as we drove to Rosalie's house Friday night. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm but couldn't repress my own smile.

"What's Jasper doing tonight?" I asked, a little surprised I hadn't thought of this before.

"Going out with Em," Alice sighed sadly before Rose could answer.

"Oh, please, Alice. Give me a break. If you were a dude I'd say that you're totally whipped," Rosalie said with a snort.

I laughed but felt a little sad at the same time. A relationship would never be in the cards for me, no matter how much I wished it would. When we pulled up to the house, my jaw dropped. The building was almost as large as Alice's home.

"I'm starting to feel really poor," I admitted.

Rosalie scoffed. "I'd rather live in a house with old comfy sofas than have a mansion with furniture that I'm not even allowed to sit on."

When we entered the kitchen I began to unpack the groceries we had just bought. Pita shells, tomato sauce, deli meat, canned pineapple, some veggies and cheese. Alice thought it would be fun to make our own pizzas for supper. A half hour later, I pulled them out of the oven and began to cut them.

Suddenly the front door slammed, causing all three of us to jump.

"Holy shit!" a booming voice yelled. "That smells de-fucking-licious!"

The floor shook as Emmett's heavy footsteps pounded toward the kitchen. He poked his head into the room and went straight to where I stood. His hand reached toward the pizza but Rose smacked his hand.

"That's mine, jackass," she hissed. Jasper entered the room, followed by Edward. I froze. Alice squealed. Rose growled. Emmett grinned. Jasper kissed Alice. Edward stared at me with wide, unblinking eyes.

This was not in the plan.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she demanded, eyes blazing at her very sheepish looking brother who was still wrapped up in Alice.

"Emmett lost the fake ID's," he explained with a shrug. His lips found Alice's again and Rosalie stalked toward her boyfriend, yelling obscenities and other insults. My gaze met Edward's.

"Fake ID's?" I asked with raised eyebrows. His cheeks turned pink and he smirked.

"We were going to go to the bar in Port Angeles," he said innocently. I snorted.

"And do what? Get trashed? I thought Alice said your mom and dad let you guys drink? Can't you do that at home?"

Edward held up his hands in surrender. "It wasn't my idea, seriously."

I smiled. This had to be the most we'd ever spoken…comfortably, that is. For a few seconds, it was as if this was out first time meeting. Relaxed and innocent. Then Rosalie spoke.

"Out!"

"Where the hell are we supposed to go?" Emmett whined, pouting and giving her big, puppy dog eyes. I laughed; the expression looking hilarious on his over-sized body. Jasper and Alice were still, to put it kindly, sucking face.

"Out!" she screeched, marching over to Alice and dragging her from her boyfriend.

"C'mon, babe," Emmett pleaded. "We can all hang together for a few hours, right?"

"Wrong," Rose said with a roll of her eyes.

"This is Jasper's house too," Em said with a frown. He obviously realized that begging wasn't going to work.

A tingly feeling appeared in my stomach and I looked at Edward out of the corner of my eye. He was looking at me with intense eyes.

"Why don't we just let them stay?" I said. The room fell silent for a couple seconds. "Just till nine?" I continued. "Then we can eat and watch a movie, and then start on our sleepover."

Rosalie raised an eyebrow and shot a questioning glance at Edward. Ah. Now I understood why she was so set on them leaving. She wanted to make sure I was comfortable. I looked at Alice, but she was still staring at Jasper. Completely oblivious. I gave Rose a subtle smile and she turned to Emmett with her hands on her hips.

"You're pretty fucking lucky, bud," she said with a finger on his chest. He grinned at her and leaned down to kiss her. I looked away from them, feeling that sharp pang in my heart.

"What do you three want on your pizza?"

That pulled them away from their girls. Emmett wanted everything we had on his, and Jasper ham and pineapple. I looked toward Edward for his answer.

"Just cheese." Emmett snickered and Edward shot him a dirty look.

"Fuck off," he muttered when Em punched his arm. The boys retreated to the basement to play video games and the minute they were gone, Rosalie attacked me.

"What the fuck was that, Bella?"

"What happened?" Alice asked with wide eyes. Rosalie snorted.

"Get a life, Alice."

"Hey!" she protested. "It's just that I haven't seen Jasper since he told me he loved me."

Thank you, Alice, for taking all the attention from me. You are now the best friend in the entire world.

"Excuse me?" Rosalie asked, voice disbelieving. "Are you friggin' serious?"

Alice appeared to almost be shaking with excitement. "Yes!" she squealed.

"Bitch!" Rosalie yelled. "You waited until NOW to tell me? What the fuck!"

Alice launched into a _very_ detailed story about how Jasper showed up at her door the night before with roses and took her out for a picnic.

"Who knew he had it in him?" Rose muttered as she chewed on her food. The stove timer went off and I pulled the other five individual pizzas out (Emmett was having three).

"Food's ready, boys!" Rosalie called out in a sickly sweet motherly voice. The low sound of foot steps running up the stairs caused her to roll her eyes. "They're children, I tell you."

Emmett had practically inhaled his first pizza by the time Edward and Jasper had taken a few bites.

"What movie are we watching?" Jasper asked as he put his arm around Alice. Rosalie had her feet up on Emmett's lap. Edward and I sat across the table from each other somewhat awkwardly.

"Af scawfy vom," was Emmett's answer.

"Swallow your food, you pig," was Rosalie's cutting comment. Did they actually love each other? I knew they did, but their relationship was fairly odd to me. Still, I found it amusing.

"A scary one," he repeated before taking a swig of root beer.

"No way," I said immediately. I used to like scary movies before…the incident. Now I couldn't even stand the sight of blood. Or the thought. Or the word…

"Fuck," I murmured under my breath. No one heard me except for Edward who had his eyebrow raised in question. I looked away quickly. "I don't care what we watch, as long as it isn't a horror movie."

"Okay, how about a comedy?" Jasper asked.

"Oooh, we could watch an 80's movie!" Alice said. Emmett groaned and shook his head with half a pizza in his mouth.

"Yeah, how about Ferris Bueler's Day Off?" Rose asked.

I smiled. "I'm sort of in love with that movie," I admitted with a laugh.

"Really?"

Everyone turned to look at Edward. Our four friends were shocked that he had spoken, since they had missed the exchange about fake ID's in the midst of making out and screaming.

"Yeah," I said, a little shyly, peeking at him from behind my eyelashes. I found it difficult to look into his piercing green eyes. "It's always been my favourite."

"That's Edward's favourite, too," Alice piped in. Now it was my turn to be surprised. I mean, yeah, I'd known people who had liked and loved the movie, but it was never anyone's favourite. Figures that Edward would be the one to finally like it as much as me.

"Good taste," I muttered with a wink. Edward blushed and I took a little bit of pleasure in embarrassing him.

We began the movie just a little while later. Jasper sat down on the recliner with Alice on his lap. My heart warmed when I realized that the two were always touching in some way, even if it was just holding hands or linking their arms. It was sweet.

I wondered what I had done that made me unworthy of love like that.

Rosalie and Emmett curled up together on the sofa and I sat down beside them. Edward took the empty space beside me, making sure we weren't touching. Then the lights went out and my heart sped up.

It dawned on me that this was the first time I had been beside a man in the dark. I willed my heart to calm down but it refused to listen. _Rose is right beside you, Bella. Nothing can happen. Besides, it's Edward. It's _Edward,_ Bella. _

_Yeah, the same Edward that kissed me._

_He kissed you for different reasons than _him_. You know that._

_Why would people kiss if not for sex?_

_For…you know…love._

_Pfft. Love? Edward kissed me after about ten seconds. Love wasn't a factor._

I realized my body was shaking violently. I did everything I could to think of anything but the boy next to me. Edward leaned down and whispered, "Are you okay?"

_Are you okay, BB? Of course you are, BB. I know you are. Stop acting like you're scared of me. _

I instinctively jumped away from him and onto Rose's lap. Her glass of water spilled when on both of us and Emmett. "Crap, Bella!" she exclaimed. I leapt off of her and backed toward the lights. When I flicked them on, I regained control of my body.

"Sorry, sorry!" I apologized, taking her empty glass from her hands. To my relief, there were only drops of water on the two of them, unlike the huge patch on my shirt and jeans.

"No worries," Rosalie said lightly.

"I'm going to change into my pyjamas and get you a new glass of water. Go ahead and turn on the movie again," I insisted, walking toward the staircase.

"Hurry back," Alice chirped. I met Edward's wide, surprised eyes for a moment. I could see the small amount of pain in them, even though he tried to hide it. I was sure he could read the fear in my own and I hated that it was directed toward him. I fled up the stairs to Rosalie's bedroom, fighting tears.

Why did I have to be such a screw up? I couldn't even watch a movie with friends without being scared out of my goddamned mind. I changed quickly and then ran to the kitchen to fill Rose's glass. After I passed it to her, I sunk down on the ground against the wall opposite Edward. The lights were still on, much to my relief. I didn't watch the movie. I only saw the characters and heard their voices without really registering what was happening and what they were doing. But I could feel Edward's gaze on me the entire time.

**O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O**

**Ooooooooh. Getting a little more interesting, maybe? Yes? No? I promise that Chapter 8 will be pretty damn interesting. And from there the story will really start piecing together and picking up it's pace. **

**Anyway, I'd love some reviews, of course. Guess how many last chapter got? ELEVEN whole reviews! **

**Thanks to GumyGrape5794, sophia18, jamesstarkgirlfriend, Tabby64, EverlastingMuse, xxxbulletxxx, imperial violets, SleepMyBella, ADADancer, starlight90 and ClumsyBellaSwan for reviewing! And thanks to all my silent readers who let me know they like the story by adding me to their alerts. **

**I just might post the next chapter 5 DAYS EARLY if we surpass 20 reviews for chapter 6. Think we can do it?**


	7. Chapter 7: Black

**Holy shit, would you look at that? I wrote 3200 words in 2 days. Unfortunately I am still beta-less. I've applied to Project Team Beta so hopefully I'll hear back in a couple days.**

**School starts back up soon so this two day thing most likely will not be happening again for a while. This chapter is mostly journal entries and I'm sure at least a few of you don't enjoy reading them. I know I get tired of them after a while. But they're kind of essential for this chapter, because we fly through a couple months where nothing much happens. **

**I'm pretty sure these will be the only ones in the entire story. We'll see how it unfolds. Anyways, enjoy my lovelies!**

**Disclaimer: I'll be going back to university in a week. If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't need to. **

_September 25__th__ 2010,_

_I just got home from Rosalie's house. We made pancakes for breakfast with chocolate chips and blueberries. The last time I had a pancake was probably when I was about four years old. Renee didn't put anything special in them either, and they had tasted salty. I also remember crunching into a little piece of eggshell. The other kids at my daycare told me pancakes with syrup were delicious. Personally, I couldn't really see what the big deal was. Of course, I hadn't ever eaten them with maple syrup either._

_But when I took a bite of the fluffy circle with purple dots and chocolate smudges, I think I might have died and gone to Heaven. Mrs. Hale's recipe was a lot more delicious than Renee's._

_I can't say I was sad to come home. The sleepover was fun for a few hours, and I had been relieved, though I hate to admit it, when Edward left. I can't really fully explain what happened when the lights went out. I just know that when I lost one my sense of sight, the sense of touch intensified, and I couldn't make myself believe that Edward wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Now that I was in my own home, away from him and surrounded by sunlight (for the first time since I arrived in this dreary town), I knew he wouldn't and couldn't have done a thing to me. _

_And then Edward had leaned down and whispered those three words and I was suddenly hearing __**his**__ voice again. There was no way I could have sat beside him after that. _

_Tears spring to my eyes when I think of his hurt expression. Why did I have to be so…wrong? So fucked up? The one boy I actually think I might like now knows there is something wrong with me. It makes me sick. I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like I don't have anywhere I belong. Home was certainly not with Renee, but she was my mother, and I loved her just the same. Charlie and I don't talk much. I have some really great friends, but I feel like I'm tainting them with my presence. It's stupid, I know, but I can't help it. _

_Today is going to be a hard day. The depression I've repressed so well for the past couple of months is really trying to break free right now. I don't have any energy to think about anything. I think I'll just try to sleep for a few hours before I make Charlie supper. _

_October 10__th__, 2010_

_The last couple of weeks have been really disappointing. Edward barely fucking looks at me. I know I said I'd give him time, and I will, but this is different. He seems almost…angry. He doesn't ride with the other Cullens to and from school so the only time I ever see him is in bio or occasionally in the halls. The Monday after the sleepover I told him I was sorry for the way I acted during the movie. He had given me a curt nod and from that point on our relationship has been nonexistent. I want to ask him what the deal is, but I'm honestly just a bit frightened that he'll lash out at me in public again. Today his face was partially covered by an angry purple bruise and a cut on his bottom lip. Is it wrong of me to say that I worry about him? I know that I have no right to feel this way, yet I can't stop it. _

_I'm going to ask him after school tomorrow. _

Only fifteen minutes had passed since the last bell and, looking out the window, I could see that almost all the vehicles were gone. I looked back toward Edward's locker and swore under my breath. He was no longer standing beside it. I hadn't even heard him leave. With a sigh, I threw my book bag over my shoulder and walked to the front doors. But when I passed Mr. Morrison's room, I heard his muffled voice coming from the class.

I'm not proud of what I did then. The door was slightly open, so I stood beside it and looked in. I was able to see both the teacher and Edward standing at the front of the room. And I could hear what they were saying.

"This isn't fair," Edward growled.

"Life isn't fair son, you better start realizing that."

"Why do I have to do an oral presentation when no one else does? I don't understand what I did to deserve this!"

Mr. Morrison jabbed Edward in the chest with his finger and Edward stumbled backwards a little bit.

"You're presently questioning my authority, Mr. Cullen, and I certainly do not appreciate it. We _discussed_ this yesterday, did we not?"

Edward didn't answer. His jaw was clenched and his hands were fisted at his side.

"Get going, boy. I'm done speaking to you."

I walked away from the classroom as quickly as I could, but in my haste, I tripped, landing on the linoleum floor with a resounding _smack_. With a groan, I pushed myself up unsteadily.

A warm hand appeared a short distance away from my face and I looked up to see Edward crouched beside me. His mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes were hard, but I took the hand nonetheless. He pulled me up into a standing position and I brushed the dust and dirt from my knees.

"Thanks," I murmured. He turned and began walking away. Once again, not acknowledging my presence. "Wait," I called. He stopped but didn't turn, the muscles in his back going rigid. I walked in front of him.

"I want to ask you something," I said, holding my head high.

"What?" his voice was cold and void of any emotion. I felt as if he had slapped me across the face.

"What happened to your face?"

He scowled and walked past me, brushing my shoulder in the process. "It's none of your concern, Bella. Go home."

I jogged forward to catch up with his lengthy strides. "I won't until I get an answer."

"Then you'll be here forever," was his rude reply.

I stopped and watched as he ran out the doors and across the road, disappearing into the thicket of trees and ferns. Sadness welled up inside of me. Getting to know Edward wasn't an easy task. I began to think that maybe what he had said in the parking lot right after I moved to Forks was true. He _didn't _want a friend. Or at least, he didn't want me.

_October 28, 2010_

_Alice and Rosalie are making me attend a Halloween party on Sunday night. Rosalie is dressing up as 'Dorothy' from 'The Wizard of Oz'. Alice is being a fairy. I think her costume is quite fitting, really. They took me to Port Angeles after school and bought me a costume. After complaining all day, Rose said that if I dressed up as a vampire, all we would need to do was buy some fangs and a dress. That way, I wouldn't be subjected to make-up and hair torture, other than Alice using the straightening iron on me. _

_Coming to the conclusion that this was the best bet, I shut up. Still. I'm really not looking forward to partying. What are we celebrating? I haven't been feeling much like an optimist in the last little while. In fact, the only thing that keeps me functioning is the company of my friends. _

_Edward won't be coming. I can understand why he wouldn't want to go to parties. I don't know whether to be relieved or sad. I feel like I only have one emotion left in me. Depression. _

_I think this is mostly due to all the dreams I have been having lately. They've recently been staring Edward Cullen, as well as __**him**__. Every time, I wake up feeling like I've been submersed in ice cold water. I want to be normal. I wish I were Alice or Rosalie. Wouldn't it be fantastic if I could switch minds with one of them? Even for a day? It would be a fucking amazing vacation. To escape the prison of my mind, if only for a while…_

_November 1__st__, 2010 _

_The dreams are getting worse. I didn't sleep at all last night, and I haven't paid any attention in school today. The Halloween party was a terrible idea. There was fake blood and it was dark and Mike Newton played a horror movie on flat screen. I couldn't stay for more than an hour. The screams resurrected memories I wished I could forget. The blood made my stomach nauseous. I was shaking the entire time. _

_And to make things worse, Rosalie tried to set me up with Mike. I know she meant well, but leaving me alone with a boy in the dark house was the worst thing she could have done. Thankfully, Mike was a perfect gentleman. I was able to get through a half hour in his presence, but then when he asked if I wanted to dance, I decided it was time to get the fuck out of there. Alice drove me home, bless her soul. _

_The events of the evening seemed to fuel the nightmares. I saw pieces from the night of July 17__th__ with perfect clarity. It was as if I were right there, experiencing it over and over again. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest, the smell of the room, the dry Phoenix air…_

_I woke up screaming. Luckily for me, Charlie hadn't been home since he was covering a night shift for someone. Apparently all the mischief that ever happened in Forks took place Halloween night. Wouldn't it be great if my only fear was getting caught after vandalizing someone's property? I envied the kids who complained about the heavy load a teacher gave them or the chance of not having a date for the dance. Sometimes I just wanted to tell them that they should be so fucking thankful for the lives they had. _

"_God never gives you more than you can handle," Renee used to say. After the first time she told me that, I asked why He screwed up with her and was punished with two days of her absence. I was really starting to think that saying was a crock of shit. I didn't think that the God I believed in would be that cruel. Did he dump all this fuckery on me because I'm stronger than the people who have easy lives? Yeah, I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty damn stupid to me. _

_November 16__th__, 2010 _

_Mike has been – kill me – showing interest in me. He's been walking with me to all my classes, buying me lunch, opening doors for me and offering help with homework. Normally I'd be really concerned by this, but he never touches me or shows that he's physically attracted to me. Trust me, I know I'm not pretty, but I'm not so inexperienced that I don't know he wouldn't be like this if he wasn't attracted to me. _

_I'm starting to think he has an ulterior motive or something. Stupid, I know. I'll talk to him about it in the next few days. _

_As for Edward…nothing new has happened. I haven't spoken to him since the day I heard him and Mr. Morrison speaking. I've decided that I'm done with him. The last thing I need in my life right now is more confusion and stress; I'm happy with my friends. _

_Okay, so I'm not totally happy. In fact, I'm tired and sad most of the time. I haven't gotten more than three hours of sleep a night for weeks. It's beginning to affect me. I'm keeping my grades up, though. Right now I have a 3.86 GPA. Not because grades are important to me, because they're not. Studying is just the best distraction. It keeps my mind from straying off to much more unwelcome thoughts. Charlie said that I'll probably get a scholarship to university if I maintain my marks. I tried very hard not to scoff. University was not in the cards for me. I haven't actually thought about life after high school and I don't intend on doing so at present. I don't need to add something else to my list of worries. _

_It's already two in the morning. Unfortunately, I have to try to sleep. _

I didn't end up falling asleep until five in the morning. Two hours of sleep was all I had gotten. So far I had managed to stay awake during my morning classes. Alice had stopped commenting on the bags beneath my eyes. They had been there for so many days now; they were practically a part of my face.

When I sat down in biology, Edward didn't look at me, as per usual. I sighed and took out my drawing book, flipping to a blank page. Thin, wispy trees appeared and a full moon cast shadows across the rocky ground.

"Wow, that's kind of creepy."

I glanced up and met Mike's soft blue eyes. Snapping the book shut, I gave him a small smile.

"What's up?"

A faint blush covered his cheeks and he had trouble meeting my eyes. I cocked my head to the side a little and raised my eyebrows. He was clearly nervous. About what, I wasn't sure, but had a feeling I would soon find out.

"I was just wondering…are you planning on going to the Winter Formal?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's fist grip the side of the table. I couldn't help the bitter smile that grew on my lips. Somehow, Mike's question got a reaction out of him. I wanted to see how this would play out.

"No," I responded. "No one has asked me."

Mike looked up at me from beneath his eyelashes. "Well…do you think…you might wanna go with…me?"

Out of my peripherals, I saw Edward's head whip around to look at us. I pretended I was oblivious.

"So?" Mike asked. Right, he just asked me to the dance.

I didn't like Mike, (like Mike, hee hee) but the dance would be a good distraction. That was really the only thing I was concerned about when I made decisions. If they would make me forget about…yeah. Not going to go in that direction right now. All I needed in my life was to forget. And I didn't think Mike would make any advances on me. He hadn't so far, so why would he now? I'd just have to set up some ground rules. When we were away from Edward, of course.

"I'd love to, Mike. Thanks."

The sound of the chair next to me being slammed against the table made us both jump. I looked up just in time to see Edward leave the classroom. I rolled my eyes. Whatever his issue was, that exit seemed a little dramatic.

"Great," he smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. Just as he started walking away, I decided to speak.

"Mike, wait." He turned back and I gestured with my finger for him to lean in closer. "You're not that into me, so why are you asking?"

He grimaced and looked me over, contemplating something. Finally he sighed and leaned down even further to whisper in my ear.

"Don't tell anyone, okay? But I'm gay."

My eyebrows shot up and I leaned away to look in his eyes. "Seriously? Then why…?" I trailed off. He ran his fingers though his hair nervously. The action made me think of Edward.

"Gotta keep up appearances," he shrugged. "This is high school," he added with an easy smile. I nodded and smiled back. Mr. Banner entered the classroom, which was Mike's cue to go find his seat.

**You made it through all the journal entries! What's up with Edward? Why the sudden ignorance? Let me know what you think with a review!**

**And thanks to the people who left me a review last chapter. Starting now, every review will get a little teaser for the upcoming chapter. Unfortunately, I've returned to bribery. **

**Monnica**


	8. Chapter 8: Blurry

**Sorry for the delay! As I'm sure many of you know, I've been working really hard on getting a beta. I think I've truly done it now. The next chapter probably won't be beta'd but hopefully chapter 10 will.**

**But hey, look! 5292 words! Longest chapter yet! And lots of things happen…**

**With that, read on…see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I've just spent all day cleaning the house. If I owned Twilight, I'd have a maid do it for me.**

**Warning: Dark themes up ahead. Do not read if you may not be able to handle it.**

BELLA's POV

I was just about to close my locker and meet Alice at the car when Rosalie appeared beside me. I jumped in surprise and pressed my open palm against my heart. Holy Jesus. It was one thing for Alice to sneak up on me periodically, but a wholly other for Rose to do so. I thought she had just a wee bit more class than that.

"Anything new, Swan?" she asked with a knowing smirk. _Shit._ It was pretty obvious as to what she was referring to. I wasn't all that surprised Mike had already been blabbing. The whole point of this charade was for it to be publicly known that he was with a girl.

Still, I played dumb, as per usual. "Well, we've started on Romeo and Juliet in English."

"Do you take pleasure in pretending to be oblivious, or is it just an involuntary reaction?"

I sighed. It was worth a try. I hadn't expected to divert her anyway. Rose had a one track mind and refused to be swayed.

"Not stepping o'er the bounds of modesty?" I quoted feebly, my voice rising at the end, making the phrase sound like a question.

"I'm assuming that's a quote, though I wouldn't know. Hated that stupid book."

"Play," I corrected.

"Whatever. Answer the question, slut."

"Fine. Mike Newton asked me to the Winter Formal."

"No surprise there. What I'm asking, is if you actually said yes."

"I said I'd go."

"_With_ him?"

"No, with his cat."

Rosalie slammed my locker shut and grabbed my arm as she pulled me toward the parking lot. I tripped a couple times and would have undoubtedly fallen, but Rose's tight grip on my arm kept me on my feet. Alice's eyebrows rose when she saw us and she opened her mouth just as Rosalie spoke.

"Newton and Bella are a thing now, Alice, have you heard?"

"We're not a thing," I protested. What the fuck did 'a thing' even mean? Rosalie shot me a look that said shut-the-fuck-up-bitch-or-I'll-tell-the-whole-school. I rolled my eyes. Telling Alice practically _was_ telling the whole school.

Alice gasped and stared at me with wide eyes before looking back at Rose. "How did that even _happen_?"

"The little shit has something over her. What else could it be?"

"I don't know." Alice looked at me again. "What did he do to you?"

Before I could speak, Rosalie cut in again. "Maybe he paid her."

"Or offered her VIP status at 'Newton's Sporting Goods'."

"Nah, why would Bella want to buy sporting stuff? She can barely walk without having an accident."

"Good point."

"I'm thinking that maybe they fucked and Newton threatened to say she was a bad lay."

"Come on, Rose, he doesn't have the guts to do that! He's such a girl sometimes."

"More like gir_ly_. Hey I wonder if he's gay—"

I decided it was time to cut in. "Okay, okay. Shut up. Both of you. I wanted a date to the dance, and he likes someone else but wants to make her jealous, so we made a deal."

They both blinked at me a couple times before opening their mouths and speaking at the same time.

"Well, that's hardly interesting at all."

"Way to ruin the fun, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and played the card I knew I'd come to regret. "Look at the bright side. We can go shopping for dresses together now." I added an excited squeal for good measure and they almost immediately joined in. I rolled my eyes and got into the SUV as Rosalie and Alice chattered briefly about calling each other to discuss the hottest stores to buy our outfits for the dance.

Emmett was busy devouring a sandwich in the back seat. I watched him with a strange kind of fascination for a minute. How the hell could someone manage to swallow a chunk of food as big someone's fist?

Shaking my head, I opened up my sketch book and went back to the drawing I had been working on before Mike approached me in biology. Alice and Rosalie talked for so long that I got lost in what I was doing. It was only when I heard Alice's voice shout, "Edward!" that I was brought back to reality.

My head snapped up and I looked through the passenger window to see him staring toward us with irritation.

"Done already?" Alice asked as he approached the car hesitantly.

"It's four, Alice."

"Oh, is it? We better get going. Call me tonight, Rose!"

I wasn't sure what it was that Edward did after school. I had never asked anyone. I didn't care anyway, remember?

_You don't fool anyone._

_Let me dream._

I suspected it had to do with Mr. Morrison, since I had caught them a few weeks ago. Whatever. It was none of my business. It didn't matter to me anyway.

_Yeah, ri—_

_Don't even start. _

The back door opened and Edward sunk into the seat with a loud sigh. There were a few more marks on his face but I really wasn't in the mood to argue so I didn't comment. Alice hopped into the front seat and we finally drove away.

"Oh. My. God. Bella, you did _not_ draw that."

I looked to wear Alice was pointing. "Fuck." I hadn't shut my book. I slammed the cover down with a muted thud and threw it on top of my bag.

"You're amazing!" she continued. "You just have to help me with the posters for the winter formal!"

"Let me see!" Emmett added from the back seat. I clutched the worn book to my chest protectively and blushed fiercely. My face felt exceptionally hot.

"Come on, Bella," Emmett whined.

"I'd rather you didn't look at them."

"You got a drawing of Mike in there?" Emmett teased. "I hear you guys are in love and all that shit. Already planning your wedding, Newton says."

My greatest possession was suddenly ripped from my grasp by a hand that had reached right over the seat. I looked around wildly, expecting Emmett to be the culprit, but was shocked to see it dangling from the long, slender fingers of Edward. My heart stopped. A mischievous smirk graced his lips and I wanted to smack it right off of him. I glared at him in warning.

"Give it to me. _Now_."

"Why, you're not hiding anything in here, are you?" he taunted, laughing bitterly. "Perhaps there _is_ a picture of dear Mikey…"

"Come on, dude—" Emmett began.

"There most certainly is not!"

"Edward, give it back to her," Alice insisted.

I undid my seatbelt so I could face him better. "Is this your idea of a joke? This is NOT funny!" And that was the biggest understatement of the century. That book held my entire life. That book held all the secrets to Isabella Swan. And I'd be damned if they were about to be revealed to Edward fucking Cullen.

"Edward," Alice admonished again.

"Never said it was." He licked his finger and caught a couple pages on his fingers and he began to lift the cover…

I leapt from my seat onto his lap and heard Alice squeal in shock and Emmett laugh. I grabbed it and held it tight in my hands. My chest was heaving with anger as I stared into his eyes. Surprise shone in them briefly, followed by the thrill of a challenge. I tried to pull my drawings from his hands, but he held on tightly, refusing to give it up.

"It's old and delicate, Edward! Don't hurt it. Just give it to me, god damn it!"

"Let me look at it and I will."

"Fuck!" I moaned. I felt the car come to a stop and I pulled as hard as I could, leaning back and using all my body weight. It still wouldn't budge.

Then Edward let go, but he didn't loosen his grip all at once so his fingers got caught on the pages. As I felt backwards, the sound of ripping paper filled the car. My head hit the back of Alice's seat and my ass hit the floor while my feet remained on the seat on either side of Edward. A deafening silence fell over us and all I could do was stare at Edward's frozen face. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open as he stared at the sketch book in my lap. He didn't move so much as a millimetre. I couldn't bear to look down at the book in my hands.

"Is it…?" I whispered so quietly that no one would have been able to hear me if it wasn't completely silent. I watched Edward's adam apple bob as he swallowed. In the time it took for me to look away from his face and to the book, I felt as if years had passed.

The spine was hanging on by just a thread, the cover ripped in half and the first ten or so pages crumpled and ripped. I couldn't believe my eyes. This just wasn't happening to me. It couldn't be. But it was. "You asshole," I whispered.

"Bella—" His hand reached toward me and suddenly I was seeing red.

"Don't touch me!"

I threw open the door and scrambled outside awkwardly. I stood up, holding the hundreds of loose pages against my chest, gathering up the few that had fallen. I moved to slam the door, but Edward's hand shot out and pushed it all the way open. He began to walk toward me, and I walked backwards as quickly as I could without tripping.

"Bella, I'm sor—"

"Don't you dare come any fucking closer!" My voice was so loud that I was almost screaming. I could hear Alice and Emmett's voice yelling at Edward to get back in the car.

"Please—"

"No! Just get the fuck away! You've ruined my life enough!" I turned around and ran toward the house. He had the audacity to run after me.

"I'm fucking _done_ with you! _Done_!" I threw open the door to the house and he wedged his foot between the frame and the door just before it was closed behind me.

"Let me talk to you!" he begged, and the desperation was clear in his voice. I couldn't give a shit. I hoped he was hurting. I wanted him to hurt as much as me.

"If you don't remove yourself from my fucking property within fifteen seconds, I'm calling my dad." My voice was deathly calm. The tenor surprised even myself.

_One…two…three…four…five…six…_

His foot disappeared and I slammed the door shut, then made both of the locks effective. A moment later I heard the sound of tires against the rocky driveway, and knew they were gone.

I looked at the ruined sketchbook in my hands and began to cry. The only times in my life when I was truly happy had been when I was drawing in this book. It had been my escape for six years. The truth was, Edward Cullen hadn't just ruined a book filled with my drawings. He had ruined so much more. I hated him for it.

This marked exactly four months since my mother had died.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

I woke up the next morning with red puffy eyes and absolutely no energy. All the anger had drained. I just felt hopelessness now. I called Alice to let her know I would be taking myself to school.

"Please don't be angry with me, Bella." She sounded so sad on the phone that I had to comfort her.

"I'm not, Alice. I promise. I just want to be alone for a while, you know? Just until lunch."

I ended up getting to school just in time to grab my books and get to class. When I was ten feet away from the classroom, I saw Edward walking next to Jasper. He started to walk faster when he saw me and I in turn picked up my own pace. Thankfully, Jasper grabbed Edward's shoulder, holding him back, and said something to him. I disappeared into the room and focussed on anything but Edward.

I noticed that Angela Webber's biology partner, Ben, had been absent since Monday. At lunch I asked her if she knew how long he would be gone. She did, indeed, know and I found out that he was on vacation for another few days. I asked her if it would be alright if I sat beside her for the rest of the week. She agreed whole heartedly. I liked her. She was sweet.

Edward's expression was expectant when I walked into the lab. I watched with morbid satisfaction as his face fell and that pained expression returned to his eyes when I sat down beside Angela. For once, I was indifferent.

During class I learned that she was going out with Ben and we talked about the Winter Formal for a little bit. I was pleasantly surprised by her calm and intelligent conversational skills.

Alice and I arranged to drive into Olympia on Saturday the 27th. Rose had simply said to 'just choosing a fucking day, and I'll be there'. I found myself actually look toward it. Looking forward to something felt…good, for a change. Unfortunately, that feeling was squashed when I walked into biology on the 21st and remembered that Ben was back at school. Angela gave me a sympathetic smile.

Grumbling to myself, I took my seat next to Edward. He didn't deserve my attention, so I avoided looking at him.

"Bella, look, I'm sorry about your art."

I crossed my arms across my chest and stared at the board in front of me stonily. Real, mature, I know, but what can I say? Edward did this shit to me.

"So you're just going to sit there and ignore me? Real mature, Bella." Stupid, fucking mind reader.

"I don't know what else to say…" he trailed off helplessly.

"Nothing you do will make this right, so shut up."

"I'll give you money to buy a new book—"

Was he for fucking real? I turned to glare at him. He actually cowered away in fear. I took satisfaction in that. "You just don't get it, do you?"

His eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "Get what?"

"Never mind," I hissed.

"You can't just say that and expect me to—"

"I thought you were worried about people seeing us talking to each other?"

Thankfully, that shut him up. His jaw audibly snapped shut and I smirked, returning my gaze to the board. Edward and I didn't talk again after that. But often, I would feel his eyes on me during biology and I seemed to see him around in the hallway more often than not.

Mike and I started to hang out together outside of school; in the beginning, it was just to keep up appearances, but I was starting to like him. I now viewed us as friends and it was easy for me to feel comfortable around him knowing that he was attracted to me in no way shape or form.

The Friday before we went dress shopping, Mike took me out to Fork's Diner for milkshakes. It was a cheesy idea for a 'date', but Alice thought it was cute and Mike ended up earning a few brownie points. I ordered a strawberry shake and Mike ordered a vanilla. When the waitress walked away, I turned to him was a raised eyebrow.

"Vanilla? Seriously?"

He crossed his arms defensively and mock glared at me; the corner of his mouth was turned up with humour. "It's simply delicious, Swan. No need to venture out when what I have is already perfect."

"To each their own," I muttered as the waitress came back with our drinks. I took a long sip, closing my eyes as I did so. Mmm. Who thought that this dumpy old place would have ever made milkshakes this tasty?

"Hey, what about you, Smarty?"

"Hmm?" My eyes were still closed; I was only sort of paying attention.

"I said what about you? Who ever orders strawberry? It's so…strawberryish."

I giggled. "Really?" He gave me a look that said 'you know what I mean'. I decided to change the subject. "So I'm going to go buy a dress tomorrow for the dance."

Mike's eyes instantly lit up. "Oooh, so soon? Better go easy on the milkshake, Sweets. Don't want to gain any weight before then." I playfully swatted his arm. His charm was just outstanding, really.

"Shut up! And what do you mean, 'so soon'? The dance is next week!"

"So you have seven days."

"Which is _so many_."

"Do you have any idea what you want to buy?" I shook my head. "You look best in dark blues, purples and reds, Hon. Make sure you stick with those. Oh, and a V-neck will make your neck look really long and pretty—"

I basically tuned him out at that point. Really, he was just as bad as my two best friends. When we left the diner, we passed a silver car in the parking lot. I frowned. Alice had told me that Edward drove himself home in his own car now. Me, being the car worshipper that I am, asked her what kind it was. A silver Volvo.

What were the chances of there being more than one in Forks? They were slim, I knew. The diner was in the middle of no where; there were no stores within a four block radius. I hadn't seen Edward inside, so why was he parked here? I glanced at the license plate and planned to check it at school on Monday.

At three o'clock pm the next day, there was a rapt tapping on the front door. Charlie was out fishing, as he usually was on the weekend. I grabbed my purse and opened the door, revealing Alice and Rosalie's smiling faces.

"Hey, Bitch."

"Hi, Bella!"

I sort of loved my friends. On the drive to Olympia, we mostly chatted about boyfriends. I was comfortable with the topic until they started giving me the Spanish inquisition on my relationship with Mike. Lying to them was getting more and more difficult. I'd have to talk to Mike about breaking up; I couldn't handle much more of this.

Lying had always been difficult for me. It wasn't that I sucked at it; I thought I was quite good, actually, considering I had never been caught. But I couldn't do it unless I had concrete reason to, and even then it weighed heavy on my mind. I deflected their questions for as long as possible, and just when I thought I'd break and tell them the truth, Alice screamed.

"Stop! _Stop_! STOP!"

Rosalie slammed on the breaks, eyes wide and dancing across every part of Alice's face. I clutched the seat and looked around for the source of her worry.

"What? What is it?" Rosalie's voice was panicked. I was unable to speak.

"Look! Look over there!"

"Where?"

"By that clump of trees!"

"I don't have my contacts! You're going to have to _tell _me, Alice!" Rose's voice was becoming pissed.

"The sign! They've built a new mall on the other side of the city!" My heart beat slowed and I was able to breathe again. "Lemme read it…yeah, on 25th Avenue! Ohmigod, we _totally have to go_!"

"Jesus Christ," I muttered under my breath.

"Fuck, Al! You scared the living shit out of me!"

"Sorry!"

After Rosalie spent a couple more minutes dishing out Alice, we were on our way again. Only a little while later, Rose pulled into the overflow parking section. Alice complained about having to walk all the way to the doors in her heels. Rose said she's rather risk blisters on Alice's feet than scratches on her 'baby'. I rolled my eyes at their constant banter but smiled.

A couple hours and bags later, we had everything we needed. Alice bought a beautiful strapless blue dress that hit her mid thigh. She looked absolutely beautiful in it. I had also found a pretty silver rose for her that she planned to pin in her hair, along with silver feather earrings, a silver ring, and black heels. When she wore them, she was almost as tall as me.

Rosalie's dress was just as beautiful. It was red and skin tight; the cut was deep and the back and sides were cut out, but they were covered with black lace. It was very sexy and sultry, especially with the heels, and though I wondered why she wanted to draw that kind of attention to her, I kept quiet. She really did look gorgeous and it wasn't my place to comment when she was so happy with it.

My dress wasn't quite as dramatic as theirs, but it was my favorite. It was deep purple and fell past my knees. The material was very flowy and soft. I hadn't ever worn a dress like this. I loved it, and I was actually starting to look forward to the dance. I bought a silver butterfly necklace and a flower hair clip to go with it. When I was forced to look at myself in the mirror, I actually found myself a little bit pretty. I liked the feeling.

"Where to next, bitches?"

"Supper?" I asked as I placed my bags in the trunk. My stomach was growling; I didn't usually get this hungry. Walking through the mall for several hours was a hell of a lot more exercise than I originally thought.

"There's an awesome little hot dog place down the street," Alice suggested as we climbed back into the convertible. The hood was permanently up for the winter; I wasn't used to the cold or the snow. One thing I did miss about Phoenix was the heat.

The hot dog place turned out to be a lot more than I expected. The bread was freshly baked and there were hundreds of toppings available, like perogy filling, bruschetta mix, macaroni and cheese, and taco ingredients. It was on main street so it was very busy, but we managed to get a seat. Since I ordered the bruschetta hot dog, it was ready first since it didn't take long to make. I was finished before Alice and Rosalie even got their food.

"Hey, look, is that Mike over there?" Rosalie's finger pointed at something through the window. I whipped my head in the direction of their finger and looked around wildly. There was no Mike, but a store sign caught my eye. Alice and Rosalie turned to snicker, and I glared at them before looking back at the shop. From what I could tell, it was a little art store. A privately owned art store.

"Do you guys mind if I go check that place out while you're eating?"

Of course, they found it to be no problem at all. I threw a ten dollar bill down on the table despite Alice's protests and made my way to the small building.

A kind looking elderly woman smiled at me when I walked in. The store had everything. Paints, pencils, books, paintings, stickers, fabric, clay…everything. I ended up purchasing a small case of paints. They were a little more expensive than I normally bought but I was excited to use them. I couldn't wait.

After thanking the lady, I walked back out onto the street. It was beginning to get dark and a little chilly, so I pulled up my hood and wrapped my arms around myself. Before I could reach the crosswalk, something glinted to the right of me. It was a car. Curious and slightly suspicious, I walked in the opposite direction to the end of the street where the silver car was parked. My eyes immediately went to the licence plate.

"Fucking hell." A fucking silver Volvo. My earlier suspicions were confirmed. Edward was actually stalking me. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't have any concrete proof, of course, but I just…knew. But that didn't stop me from feeling angry. "Stupid, fucking, shiny Volvo owner."

Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I made it very clear that I couldn't handle him in my life, no matter how much I wanted to help him. I gave him time. I was gracious about it and he made the decision to stay out of my life; not me. And now that I _did_ want him out of my life, he was following me around. My entire body shook with anger. I kicked the side of the car, but all it did was hurt my foot.

I needed to be alone for a minute. I couldn't go back to Alice and Rosalie right this moment. I needed to calm down for a couple minutes before I could go back. With a deep sigh, I rounded the corner and found a bench beside a small park. No one was around. It was the perfect place for me to break down.

I sat down on the bench and brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them against me. Hot, angry tears fell from my eyes. I wasn't even exactly sure why I was so upset. Of course I was angry that Edward was following me, but _this_ angry? It didn't seem right. All I wanted was to be able to control something or someone in my life. I felt like everything was always spinning out of control against my own will and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had the façade of normalcy going for me. Sometimes it was enough, but lately it was the opposite. I needed more than to just seem normal. I wanted to _be_ normal.

Two strong hands wrapped around my shoulder and covered my mouth. I tried to scream but it came out muffled. The cruel sound of deep male laughter filled my ears and the reek of alcohol filled my nose.

_Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. This was NOT happening!_

But it was. It seemed I had come full circle. Tears burned my eyes and I was overcome with visions that hit me like a semi truck going one hundred miles an hour.

_His hot, foul breath hit my face and his large hands gripped the sides of my head so forcefully I thought I might break. _

"_Look into my eyes, bitch!"_

_My tearful eyes met his with great difficulty and I wanted nothing more than to close them._

"Looks like I got myself a fucking beauty." His voice was slurred and I was ripped from the present to the past a second time.

"_Are you okay, BB?" he crooned, eyes turning soft, concerned. I momentarily hoped he would come to his senses and let me go. Then my hopes diminished like an inflated balloon as his eyes turned back to their sinister, hard state. "Of course you are, BB. I know you are."_

I was pulled roughly against the faceless man's body. His hands bit into my skin and pulled at my shirt, nails scraping my skin as he went.

"_Please," I whispered. "Please, stop!"_

_Pain radiated through my body as he punched my jaw and I screamed out. "Stop acting like you're scared of me! Now look into my eyes! Look at me, bitch! Fucking look at me, BB!"_

Without warning, his hands were gone from my body. I fell to the ground, chocking and sobbing at the same time. I couldn't think. I couldn't look. I could barely _breathe_. It was futile to try to get a handle on myself. I was sinking deeper and deeper into my memories and the dark pit of hell that was my mind.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O

EDWARD's POV

O*O*O*O*O*O*O

I had never known anger until a couple minutes ago. When I saw the fucker's hands on a struggling girl, I was beyond furious. And scared. I had been here before. It seemed hardly fair that I'd have to be the saviour for the second time.

But then I realized that the victim was not just any girl, but my _Bella_, the fury exploded into a million fucking tiny pieces. I acted on pure instinct from that point on, letting the adrenaline control me.

I slammed on the breaks of the Volvo and stopped just a few feet away from them. I pulled him away from her with strength I didn't know I possessed and didn't even hesitate to slam my fist into his mouth, hearing his jaw crack. He tried to grab me but before he could come close to it, I fired another punch at his face. He fell to the ground and I continued punching him with all the force I could muster. I took pleasure in seeing the blood marr his ugly face. I was going to kill this motherfucker.

Then the sound of Bella's sobs pierced my mind and I remembered I had much more important things to do that didn't involve the sick bastard. I stood up and kicked him a couple times for good measure. He'd be feeling the pain I inflicted upon him for a long time. Hopefully he would die before anyone found him.

I turned around and my heart dropped into my stomach. I ran to Bella's shaking form crumpled on the ground.

"Bella," I whispered softly, sounding so fucking sad I barely recognized my own voice. Her head slowly turned to look at me, but her eyes were blank – empty, void of…_anything_. Tears ran down her cheeks and she shook so damn much.

"Bella," I whispered again. "The car is right beside us. Please get in, and I'll get you home safely." She didn't move. "I'm with you, angel. I'm right here." Something appeared in her eyes and I almost cried in relief.

"Edward?" Her lips moved but no sound came out.

"That's right, angel. I'm Edward, and I'm here. I'm going to keep you safe, alright?" Every so slightly, her head nodded. "Okay. Please go inside the car so I can help you."

She literally crawled the few feet toward the car and pulled herself onto the passenger seat. I wanted to help her, but I feared that touching her would be a very bad idea right now. I pushed the door closed behind her and got into the driver's seat. The blank stare was back and she looked forward, focusing on nothing. Her hands clutched either side of the seat and she still shook too much for my liking.

I pulled from phone from my pocket, ignoring the blood on my hands and dialled. "Dad? Something's happened. I need you to meet me at the hospital in Fork in a couple hours."

**O*O*O*O*O*O**

**So, what do you think? There was quite a lot of stuff that happened in this chapter. I know there's probably a couple things that don't make sense yet, but all in due time :-) **

**Again, thank you to those who have reviewed!**

**Monnica**


	9. Chapter 9: If You're Gone

**Here is the next chapter. I thought I'd get it out early since I have something in RL that may end up taking up a lot of my time.**

**You may have noticed that I changed the chapter titles. They are now named after songs that go with each chapter. I'm going to start posting the essential lines in the song with the actual chapter, too. I'll probably do the same for the first 8 chapters as well, when I have time. **

**You can find the names and artists of each song on my profile. **

**Oh, one more thing. Dresses from last chapter and other outfits are on Polyvore! The link is on my profile!**

**With that, enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: It's raining and cold as hell. If I owned Twilight I'd be in Hawaii right now.**

**Chapter 9**

**If You're Gone**

_I think you're so mean_

_I think we should try_

_I think I could need this in my life_

_I think I'm just scared_

_I think too much_

_I know it's wrong it's a problem I'm dealing_

_**~ Matchbox 20**_

EDWARD's POV

It only took me an hour and a half to get back to Forks. I drove past the speed limit the entire way. I gave Carlisle a brief explanation of what had transpired and he promised to alert the staff and be waiting for me when we arrived at the hospital. After getting off the phone with him, I called Alice to let her know that Bella was with me and to meet back at home. She wanted to know right then and there all the details, but all I could tell her was that Bella needed help and I had to get her it as soon as possible.

Bella still hadn't moved or spoke, or showed any sign that an actual soul occupied her body. My alarm grew with each passing minute. It wasn't like this last time, and the situation had gone even further – _way further_ – before. My stomach churned; I didn't want to think about that, or what would have surely happened if I hadn't reached Bella in time.

I sped past the boundary sign of Forks and moments later I was whipping into the parking lot, not caring how many parking spaces I took up with my hasty park. No, that was the last thing on my mind. Carlisle was out the main doors just seconds later; he must have been watching out the window. Bella made no movement and I left her sitting in the car while I jogged up to Carlisle's side. He was already walking briskly and I met him halfway, walking as talking as we returned to the Volvo.

"What happened?" His voice was sharp and business-like; professional.

"They were beside Capitol Lake…he, he had a hold of her, his hands were under her shirt. It didn't get as far as…as…as last time." My hands were fists at my side and a sweat was breaking out across my forehead. I whipped it away with my sleeve.

"How is she?"

"She won't move or talk. Her eyes are just…_empty_." The last word came out as a sort of desperate moan. Carlisle noticed the change in my voice and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. He didn't have time to address it, though. Bella needed his help.

Carlisle opened the passenger door smoothly and bent down so that he was at eye level with her, but still a safe distance away.

"Isabella? Can you hear me?" Nothing. The silence was worse then her freaking out. I wished she would. "Isabella, it is Dr. Carlisle Cullen speaking to you. Can you hear me? Do you know who I am?"

He reached forward slowly and placed his hand on top of one of hers that was still gripping the seat for dear life. The moment his skin touched hers, she reacted. Her scream pierced the cold silence of the night and broke my heart. Her arms began to flail and her legs began kicking everything they could reach.

What I did next was purely instinctual. I didn't even think. I just acted. I pushed Carlisle out of the way, causing him to stumble slightly. He was caught of guard momentarily but then I saw irritation flood his face. "Edward, don't you dare – "

I didn't listen to him. Instead I leaned in close to Bella and stared right into her fearful eyes. I reached for her hands and held them in my own gently. She continued to kick and punch but I kept calm and let her do it. I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder, gently tugging me back, but again, I resisted.

"Bella," I whispered softly. "It's just me. It's just me! Remember what I told you?" Her eyes finally focused on my face and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. "See, Sweetheart? It's just me. I'll keep you safe. Nothing will hurt you here. Nothing will hurt you again, alright?"

Her movements had once again stilled, but this time she wasn't as still as stone. Her chest was heaving with her laboured breaths and her eyes looked wildly around my face. Her lips began to quiver and tears filled her beautiful brown eyes. Then her face crumpled and she was crying again. To my complete surprise, her hands squeezed mine back and she tucked her head against the side of my chest and my arm.

"Shh." I continued murmuring words of comfort and let her tears soak my shirt. After a minute or so, Carlisle cleared his throat behind me.

"I'm…I'm going to go prepare a couple things for her. You'll be alright for a couple minutes?"

"Yes."

I vaguely heard the crunch of the gravel beneath his retreating footsteps; my attention was focused solely on the broken girl in my arms. Carlisle returned a short while later with two female nurses and I gently encouraged Bella to walk with them. She refused to let go of me though and I ended up accompanying them to her hospital room. When I laid her down on the bed, one of her hands continued to hold mine. Carlisle left to call Bella's dad and one of the nurses suggested giving Bella something to help her calm down and go to sleep.

Her eyes met mine and I could see that reason had once again returned to her. "You're safe here," I promised. She looked back to the nurse.

"Okay." Her voice was no more than a scratchy whisper. The nurse gave her a couple pills and a white paper cup with water to get them down. Once they were swallowed and the nurse left the room to put the capsule of medicine away, I began to pull my hand away.

"Stay with me, please?" Bella's hand gripped mine tightly, refusing to let go.

"I will."

O*O*O*O*O*O*O

"Edward, it's time for you to go home." Carlisle's face was etched with worry. His eyes went to my hand still holding Bella's, like it had been for the past couple hours while she slept, and his forehead wrinkled. A nurse had pulled a chair over for me to sit in beside the hospital bed.

"But—"

"It's getting late."

"It's not even a school night."

Carlisle shot me a look that left no room for any argument. "Visiting hours are over in an hour, and to be frank, I don't think Chief Swan is too pleased with the amount of time you've been holding his daughter's hand." With great reluctance, I gently pried Bella's fingers from my own and stood up.

"I'll walk you to your car. I'd like to have a word with you." I nodded wearily and followed him toward the door, taking one last look at Bella's peaceful sleeping face. We walked down the hall and outside, stopping a few feet from the doors of the hospital. It was colder than ever and goose bumps broke out across my flesh.

"How are you, Edward?" His expression had changed from professional to fatherly. It was obvious as to what he was referring to.

I shrugged. "As well as I can be." Carlisle nodded in understanding. "I don't doubt I'll be dreaming tonight."

"I don't underestimate your strength, son, but don't you think that this time you might want to consider—"

"No." I knew what he was asking and I wouldn't be discussing it. Especially right now. He sighed in shook his head in exasperation. He wouldn't be dropping it anytime soon.

"Dad?" I had to ask to question that had been on the tip of my tongue for hours. "The way Bella acted…that wasn't normal. Was it?"

He hesitated and met my eyes before looking up at the sky. "Well…different people react to situations like this different ways, Edward." He wasn't telling the whole truth. I knew he wasn't. I pressed for more.

"But _she_ wasn't this bad when it happened to her. And I didn't even get to her in time." I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from panicking. The taste of blood filled my mouth but I older bit harder.

"I'm tired and you're tired, Edward. We will return to this conversation again later, alright?"

"Fine." I yanked the door to the Volvo open harshly. He was avoiding my questions and it pissed me off. I had a right to know. Before I could slam the door shut behind me, Carlisle grabbed hold of the frame and stopped me.

"Control yourself, Son. Be careful."

"Yeah, okay." I hated that he didn't feel like I couldn't take care of myself. It was partially true, though to an extent.

When I got home, the lights of the family room shone through the white curtains, which undoubtedly meant that Esme was still awake. I really wasn't surprised. When I walked into the house she stood up from her sitting position on the couch and slipped a bookmark in the pages of her novel before tossing it on the cushions.

"What's the verdict?" Her eyes were wide with worry and they danced across my face as if the story was printed across my features like a newspaper.

"Bella's alive and physically unharmed other than being bruised and a few scratches."

"Physically? What does that mean, Edward?"

"Just find out from Dad," I snapped. My relationship with Esme had deteriorated quickly after the night that was much like tonight. It took a lot for me to converse with her without getting angry or ending up screaming at her.

"For the love of all that's holy, why can't you just answer a simple question?" Of course, it wasn't easy to keep control when she pressed me like she did.

"It's not fucking simple!"

"Well then, show some respect and give me five minutes of your time, Edward."

"You still don't get it!" My voice was incredulous. She was completely oblivious to my feelings. No, that wasn't exactly right. She recognized them, but often ignored them. Just like she did with situations that were difficult to deal with. She pretended everything was perfectly fine and that we were the poster family for the American Dream. It fucking infuriated me.

"Enlighten me, then."

With those three words, the floodgates opened. "This is the farthest fucking thing from simple! Bella was almost _raped_. She is psychologically scared and broken. _I_ had to go through this same fucking act of heroism _again_ and it doesn't occur to you that maybe I'm fucking tired as hell and don't want to fucking talk about it anymore!"

I stomped up the stairs like an over dramatic toddler and ignored Esme's quiet sobs. She did this every fucking time; cried because I yelled at her but never bothered to think that maybe there was a reason for my anger. The first few times it happened, I comforted her and apologized, but I couldn't keep doing it. What was there to apologize for, anyway? She was the one who had become a failure of a mother to me in the past couple years. She was the one who refused to change that.

On the floor in front of my bedroom door was a mug filled with hot chocolate and mini marshmallows. There was a note underneath. I picked up the warm ceramic cup and read the curvy writing on the paper.

_I love you, Bubby. Sweet dreams! XOXO_

I slammed my bedroom door closed behind me and sank down on my bed before taking a long sip of the hot cocoa. The silky, rich liquid slid down my throat and instantly restored some semblance of calm inside of me. Then I closed my eyes and thanked God for Alice. Maybe the hot chocolate would take the dreams away too.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

When I woke up, my room was bright. Brighter than it should have been. I groaned and glanced at my clock on the bedside table. Holy fucking shit. It was already one in the afternoon. I pulled on a t-shirt and went down stairs to find Alice, Carlisle and Esme in the kitchen eating lunch.

"Morning sleepyhead," Esme cooed, setting down a glass of orange juice and a sandwich in front of me. I rolled my eyes. She was the queen at pretending nothing happened. I took a big bite of the sandwich.

"What's the news?" I addressed Carlisle; he knew what I was asking.

"Isabella's been discharged—"

"Discharged?" I dropped the sandwich back on the plate. My voice was sharp. How could they fucking release her so damn early? "That's fucking ins—"

"Let me finish, Edward." I glared but did as I was told. Unlike Esme, I held a lot of respect for Carlisle and he respected me in return. "We concluded that the shock and disturbances of what took place caused Isabella to lock herself in her mind. That would be why she looked…well, 'empty', as you put it. This morning she was fine. We could see no reason to keep her."

"That's bullshit."

Alice decided to put in her two cents. "Indeed it is." I remembered the hot chocolate from last night and made sure to thank her later.

"She was fucking crazy—"

"Language."

"—last night! You couldn't keep her for a couple more days?"

"This wasn't my choice to make, Son." I could see the sincerity in Carlisle's eyes and I relaxed some. "There wasn't anything that could be done about it. Bella was perfectly fine this morning. A bit shaken up, but smiling and back to her normal self. There was nothing more I could do."

That was the end of that conversation. I thanked Alice for the hot cocoa and she joked that I would do anything for chocolate. Carlisle had to get back to work after lunch was finished and I went upstairs to shower and get dressed. Bella nagged on my mind the entire time. I just couldn't believe that she was 'perfectly fine' after how she acted last night and the trauma she was put through. It wasn't possible.

I had to find out for myself.

Alice was in her bedroom listening to music and I didn't really know or care where Esme was, so I was free to leave the house without explanations. I grabbed the car keys and before I knew it, I was pulling into Bella's drive way. Taking a deep breath, I approached the front door and knocked. Then I waited.

And waited. And waited some more. Frowning, I knocked a second time. Still, no answer. Her truck was in the drive-way, so where was she? Ignoring me? I sure as hell hoped not.

There was a bang from behind the house. I immediately assumed the worst and ran to the backyard. When I saw a leg that looked just like Bella's sticking out from inside a shed, I panicked and was there in two flat seconds, scooping her up into my arms.

"Christ, are you alright? What happened?"

"Edward?" Her hands pushed against my chest and I let go of her. She brushed the dirt from her pants and crossed her arms. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What happened?" I repeated.

She rolled her eyes. "The shelf I was hanging onto was rotting and it broke." She gestured to a piece of wood and a half empty bag of sand on the ground. Fucking relief felt sweet. "Now, I repeat, why are you here?"

"My dad said you were feeling fine."

She pushed past me with a shovel in her hand and knelt down beside the flower garden. "That doesn't answer my question."

"I didn't believe him."

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Well, you should. I _am _fine. Why wouldn't I be?" She turned back to the garden and began digging out a weed. I could only stare at her incredulously. "Anything else?"

"Yes, I have a few fucking more things to say to you!"

"Awesome," she muttered sarcastically. I ignored that and ploughed on.

"I'm not a fucking idiot! You were _not_ fine yesterday. In fact, you were like a fucking catatonic! I don't care if you were almost fucking raped—" A shudder went through her body "—your reaction was that of a girl who'd actually _been_ raped, and multiple times!"

"Thank you for saving me," she said with a glare. "Is that what you were looking for? Some praise? Well, that's as much as I'll ever give you. Thanks for stopping by."

My blood went cold. "You don't know a fucking thing about me."

"Neither do you."

"I deserve more than that."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I…I fucking saved you!"

"You didn't."

I stared at her, disbelieving. What the fuck could I say to that?

"You're crazy, you know that?"

She shrugged. Her calm demeanour was driving me up the fucking wall.

"So what, you can write me a fucking note like were ten years old, promising me that you'll give me time and it'll be okay if I just let you in and spill all my fucking secrets, but when the tables are turned, it doesn't apply to you? You won't let me in? How fucking hypocritical."

Fury blazed in her eyes. "I fucking gave you all the time in the world! Two and a half months, Edward, and you _still_ pretend I don't even exist! Then you miraculously decide to talk to me a couple weeks ago and end up taking my sketch book and _ruining it_!"

"I told you I'd get you a new one!"

"You're such a little rich boy!" she screamed. "Perfect mommy and perfect daddy and perfect life and, oh, if I mess up, I'll just buy my way the fuck out of it!"

I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the red to go away. Her words cut deeper than I bargained for. "Just keep your fucking mouth shut about my life."

"I will if you do!" Fuck! I hated how she turned words around like that. Neither of us spoke for a moment. We were both working on getting our tempers under control.

"What was all that last night?" I finally asked. She stared at me blankly for several seconds before answering in a whisper.

"All what?"

"The…the touching and holding…"

"I, um…" she cleared her throat and shifted from foot to foot. "I don't …exactly … remember anything."

She didn't remember. That fucking stung more than words ever could. I hadn't realized how much it meant to me that she had needed me last night until now. And she didn't even fucking remember.

"What happened?" Her words were nearly inaudible.

"It doesn't matter, now does it?" The hardness had returned to my voice.

"It does to me."

"I'll tell you if you tell me what happened to you."

The anger returned to her eyes. "Not gonna happen."

"Then you'll never know."

"Go home, Edward."

For once, I listened to her. I walked to my car without looking back and pulled out of the driveway smoothly. I was angry and tired as hell, but this conversation was far from over. I'd find out what broke her. And damn it if I didn't try and make an effort to finally befriend her now that I'd pulled my head out of my ass.

O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O

**Hello my lovelies! Thanks for all the reviews for chapter 8!**

**Remember, reviews always get a teaser for next chapter! If I for some reason skipped over you in Chapter 7 reviews, I apologize!**

**Thanks,**

**Monnica**


	10. Chapter 10: Thief

**I know, I'm updating like there is no tomorrow, but sometimes words just seem to flow, and other times they're forced and come out all wrong. I assure you I will definitely have a case or two of writers block in the future, so this kind of makes up for that in advance!**

**Disclaimer: I'm sitting with a blanket around my shoulders because I'm all out of hot water in the shower. If I owned Twilight, this wouldn't be a problem.**

**Chapter 10**

**Thief**

_I don't want to understand this horror_

_There's a weight in your eyes_

_I can't admit_

_Everybody ends up here in bottles_

_But the name tag's the last thing you wanted_

_**~Our Lady Peace**_

BELLA's POV

I had a talent for blocking unwelcome memories from my mind. I was so good at it that there were some things from my childhood that I couldn't even remember. The little stuff was easy to block out. The bigger stuff…well, that was a little more difficult. Especially when the people around me, particularly one person, were constantly reminding me.

I was the master at pretending I was okay. I didn't ignore the issue per se, but I could deflect questions when I needed to. And I needed to deflect Edward's questions. Opening up wasn't anything I'd done before. It had always been me on my own, sorting through my own issues and dealing with them. Trusting others always ended badly. If I trusted Edward, he would slice me open and condemn me to eternal pain. I couldn't let that happen.

But even as I watched him walk away from me, a morbid part of me wished for the goodness that would surely come with the pain. Like the delicious fruit that came from the devil's serpent in the bible story of Adam and Eve. I wanted so badly to call out to him and ask him to stay with me. I wanted him to hold me and touch me like he said he had done the night before. I wanted to remember.

But none of those things could happen.

I remembered the faceless man's hands on me and the sound of his pain as Edward punched the ever loving shit out of him. But after that it went blank. I think I must have slept soundlessly through the night, for when I awoke the bags beneath my eyes were slightly less noticeable.

Carlisle had asked me to stay in the hospital for at least an extra day but I had vehemently refused. Lying in a bed with nothing to do would only make my thoughts fester until I couldn't handle them any longer. It would have been too much. Charlie would have been adamant that I stay for a few days longer so I asked Carlisle to tell him that the _hospital_ had discharged me. He was reluctant at first, but after I convinced him that I would feel better at home than the hospital, he agreed, but made me promise I would rest. I promised with my fingers crossed behind my back.

So when Edward found me, I had been working on the garden to distract myself. But unlike I had told him, it hadn't been the shelf and the sand that made me fall; those had been broken for a long time. It was the sound of his fist banging against the front door that made me think for a split second that _he_ had found me. I had been about to run when my foot caught on the rake and caused me to fall on my ass.

Edward was perceptive; I had to give him that. It chilled me to the bone that he knew something had happened to me before I came here. I almost passed out when he made the comment about being…being…the _R_ word…multiple times. I thought he knew. But when I looked at him, I could see it had been an offhand comment that just happened to be right on the mark. And he had missed it.

Of course I worried that since Edward knew there was something off about my apparent 'catatonic' reaction (I really wished I could remember) Carlisle suspected something too. He was a trained professional, after all. I would need to think of an excuse in case it would be needed in the future.

For the rest of the afternoon I did a pretty good job at not thinking. Every time my thoughts would wander in that direction, I would push them away. I refused to dwell on it. He hadn't actually gotten anywhere, thanks to Edward, so why freak out about it?

Truth be told, it wasn't the faceless man I was worried about. No, I was only slightly shaken up by him. It was the memories that came with him. I had repressed them so well, only to have a couple snippets return to me in my dreams. Now it was all flooding back. That was what I had to steer my thoughts away from. That was what I had to work to bury away for the second time.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice caused me to jump, but I was thankful that he had called out instead of just appearing behind me and scaring the living daylights out of me. "I picked up Chinese on the way home. I hope that's okay. You like Chinese, right? If you don't I can pick something else up."

I absolutely hated Chinese. If I had a choice, I'd never eat it again in my entire life. "I like Chinese."

"Well, good. I'll grab some plates."

Charlie stared at me the entire time. I sort of wished he'd look away so I could allow myself to grimace while I chewed and swallowed the food. "Bella, I know you probably don't want to talk about this—" Oh, Christ, not again. Couldn't I be spared for a few hours? Couldn't we just pretend everything was normal? "—but are you sure you're alright?"

"Just spiffy, Dad. Perfect." My tone was sarcastic and Charlie picked up on it.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I. I'm not perfect, but I'm not sinking into a hole of fear and depression, either." Actually, that was exactly what I was doing and had been slowly moving towards the past couple of months, now that I thought about it. I pushed the epiphany aside for later analyzation. "Asking me if I'm okay isn't going to make me feel all better though, so why bother?"

"Because I'm concerned, Bella."

"Alright. How am I? Pretty shaken up, but I'm dealing."

Charlie didn't press for more. I'm pretty sure that parents were supposed to be persistent and annoy the fuck out of you. This just goes to show that he still didn't have any idea what being a father meant. I showered before I went to bed even though I had already done so twice today. I felt like since he touched me, he was still on my skin. I felt so unclean it made me feel sick.

So I scrubbed at my body for almost twenty minutes for the third time but still felt dirty. I pulled on a pair of sweats and a sweater, pulling the hood over my head. I wanted to be eaten up by it. Or at least completely hidden. It was calming to pretend that no one could see me. Invisibility was empowering.

When I crawled into bed I wrapped the quilt around me tightly. Still, it wasn't tight enough. I plugged my iPod into my clock radio and listened to the song 'Thief' by 'Our Lady Peace'. It was fitting, really, I thought as I listened to the lyrics.

…_I can't admit…_

…_but the name tag's the last thing you wanted…_

There were lots of things I couldn't admit to even myself, but I wasn't about to think those thoughts tonight. What Edward said to me beside the garden came back to me.

_You won't let me in…I'll tell you if you tell me what happened to you._

I was content with people thinking I was normal. Hell, I was fine with people knowing something was wrong with me, as long as they didn't know what exactly it was. Labelling it would kill me. It would open up a whole new can of not just worms, but fucking cockroaches and snakes and poisonous spiders. That was something I couldn't handle.

A sudden noise came from the window across the room from my bed. My heart pounded frantically against my chest as I watched the window slide open and two hands appear around the frame.

I began to slip away. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

O*O*O*O

EDWARD's POV

O*O*O*O

I analyzed every fucking word Bella said to me. I tried to find hidden meaning, find symbolism, find something in her tone that hinted at what was going on in that beautiful head of hers. I came up blank. But the anger I felt from our encounter had completely diminished by the time a couple hours had passed.

I needed to see her again.

I was feeling pretty fucking pathetic about it too. There was so much about her that drew me in. That constant tugging sensation that I had felt the moment I laid eyes on her was always inside me, giving a little pull the moment my mind began to forget about her.

Bella's goal from the start had been to help me. Fix me. I held back a snort. Why did girls always think it was so damn romantic to fix a guy with their 'love'? Like that was even fucking possible. I knew first hand that love fixed shit. Sure, I bet it would be nice to be in love with someone when there was nothing else good going, but that was it. Love was nice. It made the day a little bit brighter. But it didn't solve a damn thing.

I knew enough about this topic of conflict through the movies I had been forced to suffer through with Alice. She was so good at that guilt trip thing; she's just look up at you with her big, watery eyes and spew some sob story that made your heart ache. She was dangerous, that little one. But I loved her more than anything for it.

I wasn't looking, or even hoping to fall in love with Bella, or her with me. Jesus, that was certainly not the case. The last thing I needed in life right now was love. Things were already so fucked up; I didn't need another thing to worry about. Not to mention that I was fairly positive that Bella could break my heart. She'd do it without even knowing.

But I was getting tired of holding everything in. I wanted someone I could open myself up to – _really_ open myself up. No one knew the real me. I wanted someone to. I wanted someone to _care_. I had realized this a couple days ago. This was nothing new.

This afternoon, though, I realized something else. What Bella needed was someone _she_ could open up to.

I didn't give a fuck about James. He didn't have to know. We'd keep things quiet at school and hang out without anyone knowing. And if he did somehow find out…well, screw him. I'd let him beat the fuck out of me. Maybe I'd even fight back. I let out a small humourless laugh. Yeah, right. Fighting back wasn't in the cards. But I'd make sure he wouldn't lay on fucking hand on Bella. I'd die before I let him do that.

Before I knew it, I was in my car and driving to Bella's house _again_. When I pulled into the driveway behind the police cruiser, I noted that all the light in the house were off. I glanced at my watch.

Well, fuck me. It was already eleven o'clock.

I climbed the big maple tree beside the house; the same one I had used to stick the 'sorry' note on her window a few months ago. The curtains were open. I was too low to see inside, but I pushed open the glass and grabbed the frame to hoist myself up. I threw one leg inside and was about to steady myself so I could stand when a bloodcurdling scream sliced through the silence like a sharpened knife.

I fell inside her room and groaned before looking at her.

Jesus fucking Christ! I was such a fucking asshole. Tears were running down the side of her face and her eyes were absolutely wild with fear. I ran toward her and she scrambled to the back of her bed, as far away as she could get from me. I brushed her hair back from her face gently and tried to get her to focus on me.

"Bella, angel, it's okay. _Shh_, Charlie'll wake up."

I saw recognition dawn in her eyes before it was replaced with anger. My cheek was suddenly stinging. It took me a minute to realize she had slapped me.

"What was that for?" I demanded in an irritated whisper.

"You scared the fuck out of me! What the hell is wrong with you? Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Fucking Christ."

I really was an idiot. What was I thinking, sneaking into her room at night when I knew what had just happened to her? Where the fuck had my brain been?

"I'm sor—"

"Bells?"

I leapt away from her and slid under her bed. The door creaked and light filled the room. I saw two large feet walk across the floor until they were just a foot away from the bed.

"Are you alright, honey?"

"Fine. Just a nightmare."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Funny, I thought I heard someone speaking."

"I sleep talk, Dad."

"Oh, that's right. Anything I can get you? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No…" she cleared her throat. "No thanks."

"Okay then. Goodnight, honey."

"Night, Dad."

I watched his feet pad across the floor and disappear as the door closed behind him. The hall light went off and I slid out from underneath the bed.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," I whispered, sitting beside her. She crossed her arms and stared at the window, away from my face.

"Why are you here this time, Edward? To scream at me some more? Pry into my life?"

"No, I—"

The bedroom door flew open and hit the wall with a bang. Bella let out a high pitched squeal and I jumped off the bed and landed on the floor, hitting my head on one of the bedposts.

"Ouch." That shit fucking hurt.

Chief Swan's form loomed over us in the doorway. His arms were crossed and he glared at me. "How stupid do you kids think I am?"

Shit.

"You…you heard us?" Bella whispered.

"Come on, you two! Edward's car is in the driveway. The headlights woke me up. Bella screamed bloody murder. There was a bang and neither of you were very quiet when you spoke."

"I, uh, guess I'll be going then." I stood up and walked to the window.

"Why don't you use the front door this time, Edward," Chief Swan suggested. I was pretty sure my face was beat red at this point.

"Good idea."

"I'll walk you out." Fuck, no. "And I'll speak to you in the morning, Bella."

"Okay," she squeaked. Once we reached the door, Chief Swan turned toward me.

"I trust this won't be happening again?"

I sighed. "No, sir. I'm very sorry, I should have known better than to scare her like that."

"Yeah, you should have."

"Look, I'm—"

"I'll let you off the hook this time. Don't let me catch you again."

"Yes, sir."

He opened the door and it was apparent that this conversation had come to a close. I grimaced and walked down the driveway to my car. The Chief stood in the doorway watching me until I rounded the corner and was gone from his sight.

That hadn't gone as fucking planned.


	11. Chapter 11: Whatever It Takes

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't have had to go to work, which means this chapter would have been out WAY sooner.**

**Chapter 11**

**Whatever It Takes**

_I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe it I can change_

BELLA's POV

I was woken up Monday morning by the sound of Charlie's fist knocking on my bedroom door. "Bells? Can I come in?"

I rubbed my eyes sleepily and sat up. I felt as though I hadn't slept a wink. "Yeah."

The door opened a crack and he peeked in before opening it fully and taking a couple steps inside. "I'm off to work and won't be home until late tonight. You'll be alright for supper?"

"Yes." I only made it every night. Why the hell wouldn't I be alright? Whatever. Let him pretend he's a good father.

"And don't let me find the Cullen kid in your room again. I won't be so calm if there's a next time."

"I know."

He grasped the door knob and left the room, leaving the resounding 'click' of the shutting door lingering in the air. I got ready for school slowly. This morning was one of those days that I didn't really give a shit about anything. So what if I was late for school? So what if I missed that English test this morning?

I made my way down to the kitchen and opened the pantry door. I stood looking at the shelves for a few seconds before closing the door again and grabbing a glass of water instead. So what if I didn't eat? I'd lose a couple more pounds. No biggie.

A tiny smile tugged at the corners of my lips when I opened the front door. Parked on the driveway next to Charlie's spot was a big red truck, all rust and peeling paint. It had been a surprise for me last night when Charlie got home from work. Apparently his friend who lived in La Push's reservation had a son who rebuilt cars. This one was given to him for a low price.

Looking at the truck, I could definitely see why it had been practically free, but I loved it. I had never had a car of my own, so this was exciting. It was no Lamborghini, but it was a vehicle, and it was _mine_.

Mine. The word sent a thrill through me, and I found that there was at least something I gave a damn about today.

When I pulled into the parking lot at school, I was fifteen minutes late. It took me several minutes just to walk to my locker and then several more to get my books and get to class. I opened the door to the English class quietly and the teacher gave me a test paper. There were no words exchanged, to my surprise. Not even a stern, disapproving stare.

Mike met me at the door of my math class when the lunch bell rang. He gave me a small smile and seemed hesitant to touch me. Had he already found out?

"Want to eat outside with me?" he asked. I frowned.

"It's fucking freezing."

"We could eat in my car—oh, that's not such a good idea. Nevermind. We'll—"

I grabbed his hand in my own and tried to smile reassuringly. Yeah, he definitely knew about Saturday. But call me crazy, I trusted Mike. Not just because he was gay, but I knew that he could never hurt me.

"Let's go."

I pulled him out to the parking lot and he lead me toward his SUV. I sat in the passenger seat and he sat in the drivers. The moment the door was shut behind him, he turned on the heat.

"So…" He took a bite out of his sandwich. "Tough weekend, I heard."

"You heard about it. Everyone else knows too, then, I'm guessing?"

He nodded solemnly. I sighed. "Fucking perfect."

"I'm sure you don't want to talk about it, babycakes, but do you want me to call off the whole dance thing?"

I was shaking my head before he was even finished speaking. "Mike, I'll be fine."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes. One hundred percent positive. I mean, I'm alone in your car with you. Going to the dance isn't going to be as scary as this." I laughed, trying to joke, but all he could manage was a small smile. He wasn't convinced.

"I promise I'll let you know if I can't handle something." My voice was genuine, and Mike could see that. He sighed and nodded, affording me a genuine smile of his own this time.

When the end of lunch bell rang, I almost groaned. Mike raised and eyebrow at me, but I just shook my head. He left it and opened his door to get out. I followed suit. I had biology next, which meant, in other words, I had to endure Edward for an hour and a half.

Mike walked me to bio, keeping up with the boyfriend/girlfriend pretence. He held out his arms for a hug when we reached the room. I chanced a peek into the room and met Edward's piercing stare. Flinching slightly, I looked away and turned my attention back to Mike.

I returned his smile and took a step forward. He instantly wrapped his arms around me and gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek. I blushed a little and my body only slightly tensed at his affectionate touch. Like I realized before, I trust Mike completely. But no matter how much I like to think otherwise, I don't have control over my body.

Tears sting my eyes and I turn away from Mike before he can see and question me on it. I slip into the seat beside Edward and wait for the onslaught of demands and questions to begin. But he doesn't speak. At least not for several minutes.

"Are you sure you're okay here?"

I turn to face him with wide eyes. "What?" I ask stupidly. I heard the words but I don't understand what he's saying.

"You look awful. Are you sure you should be at school?" The tears in my eyes dissipate and I look at him with steel in my gaze.

"I look awful? Thanks a fucking lot."

I turn away from him and face the front of the classroom. Silently, I will the chalkboard to split in half with my eyes. I'm surprised it remains intact with the utter force I am glaring at it.

Beside me, I hear Edward muttering some shit about 'girls missing the point'. "You should go home," he adds louder for me to hear.

"I'm not a child, Edward," I snap. "I am perfectly capable of making decisions on my own."

Again, he doesn't speak for a moment. When he does, it is that absolute last thing I want to hear. "About last night—"

I sigh heavily and drop my head into my hands, rubbing my temples with my forefingers. I couldn't even believe I had kissed this idiot. "Can't you leave it alone?"

"I just need to say one thing, Bella." He's begging, and the tone of his voice peaks my interest.

"Fine."

"I…I know that from the moment we met, everything has been so screwed up, and you have every reason to hate me for it. You gave me so many opportunities to fix it and I pissed them all away. I wish I could go back and change it, but I can't. And I know I have no right to ask this of you, but…" He took a deep breath and then exhaled in one big gust. "I really, really need someone. My parents are so fucking oblivious, Emmett and I don't talk anymore, and Alice used to try, but she's so fucking _judgemental _and _innocent_…all she did was make things worse. I have no friends, no family. I don't have anyone."

His voice cracked on the last word, and so did my heart. His confession left me reeling. I still couldn't look at him. I was afraid that if I did, the emotion I would see in his eyes would make me putty in his hands. I knew it would. And as much as I wanted to, I had come to realize that Edward and I couldn't get any closer. He already controlled me, and we weren't even friends.

Mr. Banner entered the classroom then and asked us to open up our textbooks. I reached into my bag and pulled it out, flipping to the assigned page. He started to read and the class quieted down some.

"Please…" Edward's voice whispered. The emotion in it made my breath catch, and I hated myself for what I had to do next. Slowly, I shook my head back and forth. There were several beats of dead silence next to me, and then the quiet screech of the chair sliding against the floor.

"Mr. Cullen?" It was Mr. Banner who spoke.

Edward didn't respond. I watched his shoes walk in the direction of the door until they disappeared from my view. His departure was every bit as dramatic as the last time, but this one lacked any kind of passion. And that cut deep.

I squeezed my eyes shut tears fell on the pages of the science book. I stared at it as it soaked through the paper while I tried to gain control of myself. This was why I couldn't develop our relationship anymore. I could feel everything he felt, and it controlled me. I could barely deal with my own pain – how could I deal with both of ours?

Alice of course noticed something was off with me in gym class. We were playing basketball, and had to switch in and out, so when we were both off, she confronted me on it.

"I'm worried about you, Bella."

"Don't be."

"You can't be alright after all that happened this weekend. I cannot believe you were discharged so early! Something is not right, Bella, and you need to tell me what it is."

I gave her a hard look. "There's nothing to tell, Alice."

She sighed. "Rosalie is worried, too. I just _know_ you're keeping something from us. I've known since the moment we first spoke. Just let us in. We can help."

"Alice," I warned. "I'm fine. Please leave me alone."

"I just want to help you." She looked at me with her big eyes, and I could see the innocence shining in them. I understood what Edward had meant when we spoke just a couple hours ago. She _was_ innocent. She wanted to help, but didn't understand what it was that she was dealing with. She thought that she knew things would be better if I told them about my sordid past, but in reality, they wouldn't.

_The only person you'll ever be able to open up to is someone who understand the extent of what you've been through._

_No one can understand._

_Edward could come pretty fucking close._

I felt even shittier with that thought. Alice was still looking up at me, so I sighed and tried to placate her. "Maybe sometime. But I can't do it right now."

I made it through the rest of gym class and only got one potential bruise. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out as I walked briskly toward my locker. "Hello?"

"Hi, Bells."

"Dad?" I knew my voice sounded shocked. He was the last person I expected to talk to; he hadn't once called my cell phone.

"Yeah, listen, I need you to go down to the hospital, alright?"

"Why?"

"You have an appointment."

"For…?"

"Just a quick meet with a therapist, alright? Just a half hour session." What the fuck? He did _not_ book me a shrink without my consent.

"What the hell for?"

"For, er…Saturday night."

"I don't need it."

"Bella, I'm worried about you. Could you please just do this for me?" Christ, no. If Charlie thought he could make me go for therapy by guilt tripping me he was so very, very wrong. He couldn't turn the parenting button on and off whenever he felt like it.

"Fine, I'll go." Not.

"Thank you, Bells. It'll be good for you." He mumbled some shit about getting home even later than he thought before we said goodbye.

I dumped by books in my locker and slammed the door shut loudly. The school was already almost cleared out. I sunk down to the floor and rested my back against my locker as I dropped my head and grabbed fistfuls of hair in my hands. I don't know how long I sat there like that.

Then a bang came from the washrooms located about ten lockers down from my own. A small cry rang out and I pulled myself off the ground to go investigate. The sound of running water and quiet sobs came from the boys washroom. Something inside of me gave a tug and I immediately knew who it was in there.

I pushed the door open and my heart shattered when I took in the back of Edward's figure, slouched over the sink. His hands gripped the edge of the vanity and his back tensed with each strangled sob he gave. I walked forwards and as I neared him, I noticed something else.

Small drops of crimson red hit the white ceramic countertop and splattered slightly. He was bleeding. My stomach churned and memories threatened to overtake me. But I couldn't let them. Edward was severely hurt, both physically and mentally, and he needed me.

In that moment, I didn't give a shit about what my next actions would do to me. They would inevitably lead to my self destruction. But it didn't matter right now.

I rushed forwards and placed my hand on his shoulder. He tensed for a moment, and then relaxed. He didn't look at me though, and the sobs didn't stop. I rubbed his shoulder and then reached forward with my other hand to run my fingers through his hair.

"I'm so fucking tired, Bella," he whispered brokenly.

"I know," I whispered back with stinging eyes. I slid my hand down from his hair to his cheek and gently nudged him to face me. His head turned slowly, and I gasped when I saw his eyes. Just like I knew they would, his eyes completely took hold of my soul. The raw pain and defeat in them killed me. Tears slipped down the side of my face and dropped to the vanity, mixing with his drops of blood.

My eyes skirted over his face and another wave of pain washed over me. There were two deep gashes; one across his right jaw and the other on his forehead. I closed my eyes in grief and my hand tightened on his shoulder.

"I hate whoever's doing this to you."

Taking a deep breath, I reached for some paper towel and went to work cleaning his wounds. His sobs had stopped, but tears still fell from his eyes. He didn't speak while I cleaned him up. When I had finished, I placed a hand on each of his shoulders. His hands reached forward slowly and came to a gentle rest on my forearms. We both just stared into each others eyes. I became lost in them.

Whatever I had been feeling before today…it was all gone now. All that existed was Edward and his pain. I needed to help him. I needed to care for him. And just maybe, I needed him to help me too.

Slowly, I trailed my right hand down his arm and intertwined his fingers with mine. "Come with me," I whispered softly. He didn't say anything, but followed behind me as I walked out of the bathroom and walked down the hall towards the doors that lead to the parking lot.

If there was only one thing I was certain of, I knew I had just seen Edward's soul in its rawest and most vulnerable form. And I knew that what we had just shared was a life altering moment.

**So I know that this wasn't very long, but progress is progress, right? RL is killing me right now. No, it's chasing after me with a machete and trying to brutally murder me until I am no longer recognizable.**

**Thanks to those of you who are still reading! Reviews make my day :-) **

**(And give you teasers!)**

**Monnica**


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